Do you ever feel like you're really not living it up? Like. You have all this time to be young and experience new things and get into trouble and be innocent but all you can notice is the world moving around outside your window? And you're too caught up in the small things, in the hard work, in the drama, of everything to take part in the fun things and the easy things and the things that make you happy? I don't know. I feel like. I'm not sad, exactly. I'm not mad or anything. I'm just not excited about life. And that sorta goes against the whole "don't take anything for granted" thing. I'm looking for something to make me feel alive. Something, someone, it doesn't make a difference. As long as it works. I go through my days doing the same thing, not having much free time, and always feeling half sick. I need energy. I need something that pushes me to my limits, daring me to be free, beckoning for me to be exhilarated, tempting me with the passion and fight that can be reached by only the most deserving of people.
I need life to come knock on my door, asking where I've been for the past few days. I need it to come back to me with the full force of the sun. I'm here. I'm alive. But I don't feel it like I know I have before.
I don't know if this makes sense. I don't really know what I'm saying. It's late. And I'm tired. But yeah. I just. I want to feel more alive than I do right now. I want to be happy. But isn't that what everyone wants?
