i am fucking sick of this bullshit.

i am fucking sorry that the times that everyone else does well, i fuck up.

i am sorry that i make stupid careless mistakes.

i am sorry that i don't do as fucking well as everyone around me.

i am sorry that i don't dedicate my life to the one thing that matters most in your life, and that i care about other things as well.

i am sorry that i fucking try so hard, even though you may not see it, and i still don't come out on top.

i'm fucking sorry that my best doesn't meet your expectations.

maybe one of these days, you'll all be proud of me instead of her, him, or all the other kids. maybe one of these days, you'll realize that this is important to me, so when I don't do well, i already feel like shit. and you just make it worse.

i snapped at my dad today...
what the fuck is going on with me?

apparently, i suck at being alone. I thought i liked it, but when it was voluntary. But now that it's forced, i fucking hate it and don't know how to handle it.