I'm not sad anymore. (:
Archie. You'd get this. Haha. But I said it then. And I was thinking about it right now as I'm trying to finish my webs. And I'm not sad anymore. Not about anything important. Just little things. And I got more happy thinking about that. (:
So here's my update for you. Which is short. But no one else reads this so it doesn't matter. x) Hehehe. <3
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Monday, October 12, 2009
Breathe.
Do you ever feel like you're really not living it up? Like. You have all this time to be young and experience new things and get into trouble and be innocent but all you can notice is the world moving around outside your window? And you're too caught up in the small things, in the hard work, in the drama, of everything to take part in the fun things and the easy things and the things that make you happy? I don't know. I feel like. I'm not sad, exactly. I'm not mad or anything. I'm just not excited about life. And that sorta goes against the whole "don't take anything for granted" thing. I'm looking for something to make me feel alive. Something, someone, it doesn't make a difference. As long as it works. I go through my days doing the same thing, not having much free time, and always feeling half sick. I need energy. I need something that pushes me to my limits, daring me to be free, beckoning for me to be exhilarated, tempting me with the passion and fight that can be reached by only the most deserving of people.
I need life to come knock on my door, asking where I've been for the past few days. I need it to come back to me with the full force of the sun. I'm here. I'm alive. But I don't feel it like I know I have before.
I don't know if this makes sense. I don't really know what I'm saying. It's late. And I'm tired. But yeah. I just. I want to feel more alive than I do right now. I want to be happy. But isn't that what everyone wants?
I need life to come knock on my door, asking where I've been for the past few days. I need it to come back to me with the full force of the sun. I'm here. I'm alive. But I don't feel it like I know I have before.
I don't know if this makes sense. I don't really know what I'm saying. It's late. And I'm tired. But yeah. I just. I want to feel more alive than I do right now. I want to be happy. But isn't that what everyone wants?
Monday, September 28, 2009
Disorder: Schizotypal
Hahaha. I seek comfort in being alone and I'm eccentric, hard to follow, and have odd habits. That's what the high thing is. everything else is low or moderate. but i think I lied on some questions! :D hehehe.
"She sat on her bed, writing about the fights and the tears, the slammed doors and the harsh screams, writing about the fear and the worry for her brothers, about the broken family and the lost hope for a proper home, tears wetting the pages; they tell her to write what she knows, so she does."
I wrote that for a sentence for Palmieri. I didn't realize it. But I think I was kinda writing about myself subconsciously. but i haven't done that in a long while. (: I'm doing good. Or I'm just getting better at ignoring the bad stuff.
and school. is. taking all the energy. out of me. ): but i'm distracting myself. so i must go do homework and study now.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Hahaha. It has my name. (: THIS is from Avi's blog. Buttt I read it. and saw my name. And got excited. Then got sad cause it's a sad cartoon. ): CAUSE my name is NEVER in anything! Like literally, if we're reading something in class and I see my name I start freaking out. And no one gets me. haha.
so. my schedule. (:
2-bender
3-perry
4-homstad (apspanish)
5-palmieri
6-fierro
matching classes?? :D let me knoww.
I keep confusing fierro with palmieri. this is so weird! LIKE I keep telling people I'm in Fierro 5th and getting all excited about having it with them and then I realize I actually have it sixth. ): This is makign me sad. haha. I don't know if I will call my mom "Mom" or "Mrs. Fierro" either is weird. because mom is kinda awkward, and i never call teachers Mrs. I always say ms. so that's weird cause i KNOW my mom's married. HAHAH. but yeaah. enjoy yourself if you're in that class with me. there'll probably be many awkward moments. x)
andandand. ALICEZUO inspired me to make cool bracelets. but I started one semi cool one, and I don't like the colors. It's pink and yellow. So I don't even wanna finish it cause I don't want it and I can't think of anyone who would wear pink and yellow. ):
THIS WAS going to be a happy post! BUT after every topic I start, something comes up that saddens me. Lol. but they're just small bumps. (: Come to the class bake sale tomorrow! at 10 cause that's when I'll be there! ;D At Ralph's on Pioneer and DelAmo. (: SEE YOU THEN. :D
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Kinda Sorta Do
I thinkk. I kinda miss them two. The people who gave me rides for the longest times, the two guys who I can tell everything to, the brothers that I've leaned on forever, the one that protected me from my parents, the one that explained why my life is how it is to me, the two people who I fought with all the time just because I knew they'd still love me in the end. The two brothers that I have taken for granted all this time. The one who started to hate it here so much it drove him crazy, the one that seemed to go across the country to get away but still always came back, they held me up. The brother that worried about me crying during a stupid family fight, the time I lost it because I saw him hurting. The brother who has taken care of me for the past few years, the one who drives a cool car and will go out of his way to get me somewhere, and is always there to talk to. I miss them. I'm used to Danny being gone, but now with Adrian it's weird. I realized it when I got home today and my bathroom was clean, and it's because they aren't here so there's no one to make it messy. Isn't that weird? A stupid clean bathroom is what reminded me of them being gone. But I'm sure Adrian's having fun at frat parties and Danny's having fun looking for girls to talk to. :D I need school to start. It will distract me and it will give me reasons to be out of the house.
Friday, August 21, 2009
You Believe
"When was the last time you smiled yourself to sleep?" - You Believe, Steven Dunston <3
"Okay," he said. He took a breath. "What would you do, if you could do anything?"
I took a step toward him, closing the space between us. "This," I said. And then I kissed him.
"Everyone had a forever, but given a choice, this would be mine. The one that began in this moment, with Wes, in a kiss that took my breath away, then gave it back - leaving me astounded, amazed, and most of all, alive."
Favorite favorite favorite book of all time. (:
"Okay," he said. He took a breath. "What would you do, if you could do anything?"
I took a step toward him, closing the space between us. "This," I said. And then I kissed him.
"Everyone had a forever, but given a choice, this would be mine. The one that began in this moment, with Wes, in a kiss that took my breath away, then gave it back - leaving me astounded, amazed, and most of all, alive."
Favorite favorite favorite book of all time. (:
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Summer2009
SUMMER2009 has been a fail. but also fun. but also pointless. and i'm getting restless. I want school to start kinda sorta. I wanna talk about my summer so far, but it's been pretty pointless. I still want to (1) go to disneyland, (2) go to Palm Springs with Megan, (3) go to a partayy at amritas house (:, (4) plaay with a certain person that I saw at chuck e cheese's at jessica's birthday, if you know what i mean. ;D but actually, no. this one won't happen ):, (5) go ice skating, (6) go to light the night, (5) watch like 34904190 movies, (6) get better at volleyball, and (7) have a bonding thingie with volleyball girls. BUTBUT there's so much more I want to do. and none of it will happen. and hardly any of these things will happen. how disheartening. ):
sososo. I went on a bracelet making kick, and i got all excited about making them again cause it was a while since I made them. But now, there is no one to give them to. ): cause no one asks me for them since like 2039 bajillion people can make them now. BUT if anybody wants a bracelet, i'd be more than happy to make you one. no joke. I'm that bored that i need to do something with my hands at all times. so if no one wants them, i'm just gonna make like 30 and have no where to put them. and that's a sad future for these poor bracelets.
on another note. "I just don't think you should rush into getting your license. It's a big responsibility to drive around others. I can just take you everywhere for a couple years. Danny and Adrian don't even give you that many rides." Basically. "I'm making up every possible excuse to keep you from driving." -__- L;IJEALK i was so excited to get my permit. and I talked about it with my parents today, and they won't have it. they don't want me to drive. but really, my brothers give me SO many rides all the time, and they'll both be gone now. So I will have many many more awkward rides with my mom because I won't be able to drive. ): it's not really a big deal, it just made me sad.
9 days until: my life changes, there's an extra room in my house, there's one less person to share my bathroom with, there'll be no one to drive that blue car with its respective "yale" and "usc" stickers, until I'm that much closer to being alone with my parents. 9 days until Adrian moves out of the house. All year, I was saying I won't be sad when he leaves. That's it'll be better for him, for me, and for my parents when he's gone. I've been saying I won't cry when we drop him off. That OF COURSE NOT I won't be sad, why would I? but I don't know anymore. It'll be so different. then a couple weeks later, Danny's going back to Yale. And I can't stop thinking about how weird it will be. The two people who I need at home to help me with my parents, who I watch tv with and talk about my life with, the two people who I've relied so heavily on for the past few years. they're both gonna be gone. I'm scared of Adrian leaving. Danny, I always knew he'd come back often. But Adrian. Once he's gone, he's gone for good. I think. He won't come back for random things if he can help it. And now, I'm realizing I'll miss him. And I keep wanting to hang out with him alone before he leaves, like lunch or a movie or Cue or something. But I can't, because he still sees me more as a sister he has to deal with then as a friend. And LIJDAJIJEL i just don't know. I'm so up and down about him leaving. And the thing is, when Danny left, I wasn't as close with him as I feel to Adrian. So it wasn't as tough. But idk maybe i'm just pmsing right now or something. who knows.
I raised my hands as if to show you I was yours
That I was so yours for the taking
And I'm still so yours for the taking
And that's when I felt the wind pick up
I grabbed the rail while choking up
No words to say, And then you kissed me....
this is my new favorite song. <3 I love/hate love songs. x) They're like a beacon of hope but also a flashlight that illuminates all that you can't have. it kinda sucks. But still, when Ade danced to this in Sytycd i literally like swooned. haha. I lovee it. (:
sososo. I went on a bracelet making kick, and i got all excited about making them again cause it was a while since I made them. But now, there is no one to give them to. ): cause no one asks me for them since like 2039 bajillion people can make them now. BUT if anybody wants a bracelet, i'd be more than happy to make you one. no joke. I'm that bored that i need to do something with my hands at all times. so if no one wants them, i'm just gonna make like 30 and have no where to put them. and that's a sad future for these poor bracelets.
on another note. "I just don't think you should rush into getting your license. It's a big responsibility to drive around others. I can just take you everywhere for a couple years. Danny and Adrian don't even give you that many rides." Basically. "I'm making up every possible excuse to keep you from driving." -__- L;IJEALK i was so excited to get my permit. and I talked about it with my parents today, and they won't have it. they don't want me to drive. but really, my brothers give me SO many rides all the time, and they'll both be gone now. So I will have many many more awkward rides with my mom because I won't be able to drive. ): it's not really a big deal, it just made me sad.
9 days until: my life changes, there's an extra room in my house, there's one less person to share my bathroom with, there'll be no one to drive that blue car with its respective "yale" and "usc" stickers, until I'm that much closer to being alone with my parents. 9 days until Adrian moves out of the house. All year, I was saying I won't be sad when he leaves. That's it'll be better for him, for me, and for my parents when he's gone. I've been saying I won't cry when we drop him off. That OF COURSE NOT I won't be sad, why would I? but I don't know anymore. It'll be so different. then a couple weeks later, Danny's going back to Yale. And I can't stop thinking about how weird it will be. The two people who I need at home to help me with my parents, who I watch tv with and talk about my life with, the two people who I've relied so heavily on for the past few years. they're both gonna be gone. I'm scared of Adrian leaving. Danny, I always knew he'd come back often. But Adrian. Once he's gone, he's gone for good. I think. He won't come back for random things if he can help it. And now, I'm realizing I'll miss him. And I keep wanting to hang out with him alone before he leaves, like lunch or a movie or Cue or something. But I can't, because he still sees me more as a sister he has to deal with then as a friend. And LIJDAJIJEL i just don't know. I'm so up and down about him leaving. And the thing is, when Danny left, I wasn't as close with him as I feel to Adrian. So it wasn't as tough. But idk maybe i'm just pmsing right now or something. who knows.
I raised my hands as if to show you I was yours
That I was so yours for the taking
And I'm still so yours for the taking
And that's when I felt the wind pick up
I grabbed the rail while choking up
No words to say, And then you kissed me....
this is my new favorite song. <3 I love/hate love songs. x) They're like a beacon of hope but also a flashlight that illuminates all that you can't have. it kinda sucks. But still, when Ade danced to this in Sytycd i literally like swooned. haha. I lovee it. (:
Friday, July 10, 2009
Dear Summer Lovers;
"I knew if I gave into it, I'd have to surrender myself completely. I'd lose all control. Everything I knew, everything I was, the walls I'd built up to protect myself all these years would come crashing down. I might get lost in the rubble."
Keeping You a Secret; Julie Anne Peters
Kind of explains my life. It's so reassuring, to read these books, and meet these characters that are experiencing everything I have. Books are my secret pleasure. Everyone sees me as a nerd. They don't stop to think about what it is I'm reading, or why. Why? Because when I read, I read about the lives of other people, about their hardships, their crushes, their break-ups, their first loves, first kisses, first times; I read about their losses, their troubles, their parents, their life. And in the time that I'm reading, I don't think about my own life at all. How many things do you do that actually take you that much away from yourself? Soccer, volleyball, they kind of do that for me also. But reading a book with a bowl of ice cream, sitting in my bed under the covers, with the breeze coming in through my windows, it is absolutely the best thing ever to me. It's weird, I guess. You get your pleasures and happinesses from sports, from writing, from drawing, from music, from those types of things. I get mine from books. I can spend hours reading through a book I've already read three times, and it doesn't feel like a waste of time. In fact, it feels like the time goes by too fast. I love that. So, yeah. I like reading. Call me a nerd if you want to. (:
So I read The Year of Secret Assignments recently.
Truthfully, I bought it because of the name of one of the characters. You know that guy I saw at Chuck E. Cheese, that guy who had me second guessing my feelings? If you don't, then oh well. But yeah. That guy. His name was in this book. I saw it, so I bought it. HOW CRAZY IS THAT. But yeah. I've talked to him. I don't get butterflies through texting; who does? I want to hang out with him. I'm scared to. You know how sometimes you create the illusion that you absolutely love this person, but then you hang out with them a bit more, and you don't feel that way anymore? I don't want that to happen. Sometimes, is it better to leave things as they are, in that perfect place, or to pursue it, whether it turns out well or not? Don't get me wrong, I don't like him. But he is still someone I have wanted to get close to again since he left Whitney. You know, when I saw him randomly, I practically pushed three people out of my booth to get up to go see him? I've never had that rush of emotions about anyone before. It was fun. But it was a long time ago. OHMYOHMY. I don't like him. (: I don't like anyone. Not that anyone cares.
But. The Year of Secret Assignments and Memoirs of a Teenage Amnesiac are really good books. (: And Keeping You a Secret is about lesbians/gays. Not that I care. But it took me twenty pages to figure it out. Because the main character's name is Holland, and she is talking about a girl, but I couldn't tell if Holland is a boys' name or a girls' name. x)
Today in Health; it was boring. I think I would die in that class if Mr. Burnett didn't talk to Melissa and me a lot. Because I try to participate a lot, and it's still boring. How is it in the back of the class for you guys? :O And so, we're doing that BestLookingPersonoftheOppositeGender thing. Thanks a lot second period. I blush easily. So Andy got picked, then he picked me and I blushed even though I didn't really feel the blush, and so then I picked Chris and it's so awkward when you get put on the spot like that and are expected to say a name. Like. It won't come out! I could feel my lips twitching. HAHA. And it's not like you love the person, right? It's just to so publicly call someone out is embarrassing. THEN Chris picked me again. I don't know why! I think he was just too lazy to pick someone. HAHAH. (huh, Chris? If you're reading this.) So the whole class went crazy and was like "Ooooh something's going on here!" and Melissa said I was blushing like crazy again. Haha. Fun times. (: But yeah. ChristopherPlatt, I will get you back. :D
Love,
Marissa Fierro (:
P.S. This is the prettiest post I've ever made, by my standards. (:
Keeping You a Secret; Julie Anne Peters
Kind of explains my life. It's so reassuring, to read these books, and meet these characters that are experiencing everything I have. Books are my secret pleasure. Everyone sees me as a nerd. They don't stop to think about what it is I'm reading, or why. Why? Because when I read, I read about the lives of other people, about their hardships, their crushes, their break-ups, their first loves, first kisses, first times; I read about their losses, their troubles, their parents, their life. And in the time that I'm reading, I don't think about my own life at all. How many things do you do that actually take you that much away from yourself? Soccer, volleyball, they kind of do that for me also. But reading a book with a bowl of ice cream, sitting in my bed under the covers, with the breeze coming in through my windows, it is absolutely the best thing ever to me. It's weird, I guess. You get your pleasures and happinesses from sports, from writing, from drawing, from music, from those types of things. I get mine from books. I can spend hours reading through a book I've already read three times, and it doesn't feel like a waste of time. In fact, it feels like the time goes by too fast. I love that. So, yeah. I like reading. Call me a nerd if you want to. (:
So I read The Year of Secret Assignments recently.
Truthfully, I bought it because of the name of one of the characters. You know that guy I saw at Chuck E. Cheese, that guy who had me second guessing my feelings? If you don't, then oh well. But yeah. That guy. His name was in this book. I saw it, so I bought it. HOW CRAZY IS THAT. But yeah. I've talked to him. I don't get butterflies through texting; who does? I want to hang out with him. I'm scared to. You know how sometimes you create the illusion that you absolutely love this person, but then you hang out with them a bit more, and you don't feel that way anymore? I don't want that to happen. Sometimes, is it better to leave things as they are, in that perfect place, or to pursue it, whether it turns out well or not? Don't get me wrong, I don't like him. But he is still someone I have wanted to get close to again since he left Whitney. You know, when I saw him randomly, I practically pushed three people out of my booth to get up to go see him? I've never had that rush of emotions about anyone before. It was fun. But it was a long time ago. OHMYOHMY. I don't like him. (: I don't like anyone. Not that anyone cares.
But. The Year of Secret Assignments and Memoirs of a Teenage Amnesiac are really good books. (: And Keeping You a Secret is about lesbians/gays. Not that I care. But it took me twenty pages to figure it out. Because the main character's name is Holland, and she is talking about a girl, but I couldn't tell if Holland is a boys' name or a girls' name. x)
Today in Health; it was boring. I think I would die in that class if Mr. Burnett didn't talk to Melissa and me a lot. Because I try to participate a lot, and it's still boring. How is it in the back of the class for you guys? :O And so, we're doing that BestLookingPersonoftheOppositeGender thing. Thanks a lot second period. I blush easily. So Andy got picked, then he picked me and I blushed even though I didn't really feel the blush, and so then I picked Chris and it's so awkward when you get put on the spot like that and are expected to say a name. Like. It won't come out! I could feel my lips twitching. HAHA. And it's not like you love the person, right? It's just to so publicly call someone out is embarrassing. THEN Chris picked me again. I don't know why! I think he was just too lazy to pick someone. HAHAH. (huh, Chris? If you're reading this.) So the whole class went crazy and was like "Ooooh something's going on here!" and Melissa said I was blushing like crazy again. Haha. Fun times. (: But yeah. ChristopherPlatt, I will get you back. :D
Love,
Marissa Fierro (:
P.S. This is the prettiest post I've ever made, by my standards. (:
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
You Can't Hurry Love!
It's purely selfish. It's simply a wish. It's amazingly a desire. It's sadly a lie. It's terrifyingly a possibility. It's literally a dream. I want it to be a startling possibility, a blatant reality.
There's this song. I forgot what it is. It's annoying me. It says something about two people wishing they could be older? So that they could have a further along relationship. GOODNESS. I can't remember.
There's this song. I forgot what it is. It's annoying me. It says something about two people wishing they could be older? So that they could have a further along relationship. GOODNESS. I can't remember.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Tumblr?
What is it? :O I made one (http://carveyourheart.tumblr.com/) BUT i don't even know what it is. HAHA. I think I'll delete it.
TWO MORE DAYS. I'm almost done. Beatiful summer, that's so busy it's not even like a summer, is coming.
TWO MORE DAYS. I'm almost done. Beatiful summer, that's so busy it's not even like a summer, is coming.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
'Cause seven eight nine!
EIGHT MORE DAYS. I'm excited.nervous.scared.sad.elated.anxious.overjoyed! OHDEARLORD. Volleyball list comes out tomorrow! Our last IC meeting tomorrow for this year's IC! Math test that i'm gonna fail is on Tuesday! AND WEDNESDAY issss career presentation, math review, spanish presentation, history test, bio rat test! OHMY. AND the first next year's-IC meeting! then thurday is review/study like mad and friday/monday/tuesday is comps and wednesday is the favorite do nothing last day! And tuesday is beach activity! and permission slips are due thursday! and nso apps are due wednesday! and graduation is wednesday! does that mean i can't play that day?! :O and i get a yearbook on friday i think! and i still need to apologize! and I need to fix my eyes cause i can't wear contacts without them turning all red! and I need to go get a phsyical. I'M OUT OF BREATH JUST THINKING ABOUT IT. How exhausting these next ten days will be!!! :O But then it's over! Yay!
and i stole this from Isabel's blog. (:
SCHOOLS NEARLY OVER! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE IN THE PAST SCHOOLYEAR?
HAVE YOU....
[x my mom made me stay home for one period] skipped class
[x] had a Boy/Girl "interest"
[ ] kissed someone at school
[x] hugged someone at school
[ ] started a rumor
[ ] gotten a detention
[x but in the morning. no one saw!] cried in school
[x] made new friends
[x] gone to a dance
[x] been in a pep rally
[x] watched a football game
[x] watched a soccer game
[x] watched a baseball game
[x] watched a volleyball game
[ ] watched a tennis match
[x] watched a basketball game
[ ] watched a track meet
[ ] watched a lacrosse game
[ ] broken up with someone in school
[ ] been broken up with in school
[ ] fought with a teacher
[ ] walked to school
[ ] drove to school
[x] got dropped off at school
[x] heard a rumor about yourself
[ ] had something illegal at school
[x] missed school when you weren't sick
[ ] failed a test
[ ] made up some lame excuse for homework not being done
[ ] the teacher believed your lame excuse
[ ] you like a teacher you have
[ ] crushed on a teacher
[ ] hit on a teacher
[x] hate a teacher
[ ] on student council
[ ] in a club
[ ] got a scholarship
[x] got an award
[x] fallen asleep in school
[ ] gotten in trouble for falling asleep in class
[ ] had your phone go off in class
[ ]had your phone taken away
[x] lied to a teacher
[x] laughed so hard you cried in class
[ ] eaten lunch in the bathroom
[x] like your yearbook picture
[ ]missed more than a week at once of school
[x] enjoy school
[xx] excited for summer
[x] taking summer school
[ ] have a summer job
During this past school year have you...
Had a Boy/Girl friend?
NOPE!
Fallen in love?
Nosiree.
Cried over a boy/girl?
no. I unattached-attached myself. x)
Gotten in a fight about something stupid?
yes for suree.
Ruined a friendship?
In a way, it's getting better.
Started new friendships?
Yes!
Had a bangin party with just your girls/guys?
For suree. All girl parties are the funnest. (:
Been to a costume Party?
nopee
Played truth or dare?
Hahah yes a lot!
Failed a test?
Gotten C's.
Gotten yelled at by all your teachers for talking?
Yeah. Or more like. Death glares. till everyone else shuts me up.
Argued with a teacher about a grade?
Kindaa not really.
Skipped class?
Didn't come to second. came to third. does that count?
Had a birthday?
Yes! Party and birthday!
changed schools?
nopee.
Highlighted/ dyed your hair?
Yeah! Red underneath. Now it's like. Golden though. -__- HAHA.
and i stole this from Isabel's blog. (:
SCHOOLS NEARLY OVER! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE IN THE PAST SCHOOLYEAR?
HAVE YOU....
[x my mom made me stay home for one period] skipped class
[x] had a Boy/Girl "interest"
[ ] kissed someone at school
[x] hugged someone at school
[ ] started a rumor
[ ] gotten a detention
[x but in the morning. no one saw!] cried in school
[x] made new friends
[x] gone to a dance
[x] been in a pep rally
[x] watched a football game
[x] watched a soccer game
[x] watched a baseball game
[x] watched a volleyball game
[ ] watched a tennis match
[x] watched a basketball game
[ ] watched a track meet
[ ] watched a lacrosse game
[ ] broken up with someone in school
[ ] been broken up with in school
[ ] fought with a teacher
[ ] walked to school
[ ] drove to school
[x] got dropped off at school
[x] heard a rumor about yourself
[ ] had something illegal at school
[x] missed school when you weren't sick
[ ] failed a test
[ ] made up some lame excuse for homework not being done
[ ] the teacher believed your lame excuse
[ ] you like a teacher you have
[ ] crushed on a teacher
[ ] hit on a teacher
[x] hate a teacher
[ ] on student council
[ ] in a club
[ ] got a scholarship
[x] got an award
[x] fallen asleep in school
[ ] gotten in trouble for falling asleep in class
[ ] had your phone go off in class
[ ]had your phone taken away
[x] lied to a teacher
[x] laughed so hard you cried in class
[ ] eaten lunch in the bathroom
[x] like your yearbook picture
[ ]missed more than a week at once of school
[x] enjoy school
[xx] excited for summer
[x] taking summer school
[ ] have a summer job
During this past school year have you...
Had a Boy/Girl friend?
NOPE!
Fallen in love?
Nosiree.
Cried over a boy/girl?
no. I unattached-attached myself. x)
Gotten in a fight about something stupid?
yes for suree.
Ruined a friendship?
In a way, it's getting better.
Started new friendships?
Yes!
Had a bangin party with just your girls/guys?
For suree. All girl parties are the funnest. (:
Been to a costume Party?
nopee
Played truth or dare?
Hahah yes a lot!
Failed a test?
Gotten C's.
Gotten yelled at by all your teachers for talking?
Yeah. Or more like. Death glares. till everyone else shuts me up.
Argued with a teacher about a grade?
Kindaa not really.
Skipped class?
Didn't come to second. came to third. does that count?
Had a birthday?
Yes! Party and birthday!
changed schools?
nopee.
Highlighted/ dyed your hair?
Yeah! Red underneath. Now it's like. Golden though. -__- HAHA.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Balance of Emotions
Crying yourself to sleep is oddly calming/horrifying/thought-provoking/lovely/something I've never done. Until last night. Tears rolling down my face, a super stuffy nose that wouldn't let me breathe, body convulsing sobs, weird sounds escaping my mouth. Then, I got all cried out, and I could breathe so easily, and I was perfectly tired to fall asleep, and there weren't any thoughts running through my head. So yeah, kinda wonderful/terrifying/scary/cleansing. All in one. It's like hitting twenty birds with one stone.
I was scared. It wouldn't stop. It was weird. When I sat up, no tears came, but right when I laid down it was like a freaking river. Then I thought about calling someone, to help me till I fell asleep. I didn't know who to call. ): But also I didn't wanna be loud or else my brother would hear me. So there I was, hitting my pillow and trying not to make any noises, and thinking about how there would be no one to call if I had to. ):
But then! I woke up this morning, and I felt refreshed. I had let out everything from yesterday at night, and I only had puffy eyes as proof. So yeah the day waas eh. It was another roller coaster! Hahaha. But in PE I got SOO mad at the teachers. And me and Megan ended up losing two points cause we were too tired to run. So yeeah. Lame PE teachers (esp. Mr. Crissman!). But thennn after school, Me, Megan, and Jessica went to the mall and I got a top to wear to ALOHA! Which I am still UBER excited about. :D So yeeeah. Now I have to finish my homework. and Tomorrow I have to study like maaad for history test on friday.
So. Overall. This is a non-exciting & non-depressing post!! I'm getting better. (: I promise. I just need him to get better also. I love all you guys. (:
I was scared. It wouldn't stop. It was weird. When I sat up, no tears came, but right when I laid down it was like a freaking river. Then I thought about calling someone, to help me till I fell asleep. I didn't know who to call. ): But also I didn't wanna be loud or else my brother would hear me. So there I was, hitting my pillow and trying not to make any noises, and thinking about how there would be no one to call if I had to. ):
But then! I woke up this morning, and I felt refreshed. I had let out everything from yesterday at night, and I only had puffy eyes as proof. So yeah the day waas eh. It was another roller coaster! Hahaha. But in PE I got SOO mad at the teachers. And me and Megan ended up losing two points cause we were too tired to run. So yeeah. Lame PE teachers (esp. Mr. Crissman!). But thennn after school, Me, Megan, and Jessica went to the mall and I got a top to wear to ALOHA! Which I am still UBER excited about. :D So yeeeah. Now I have to finish my homework. and Tomorrow I have to study like maaad for history test on friday.
So. Overall. This is a non-exciting & non-depressing post!! I'm getting better. (: I promise. I just need him to get better also. I love all you guys. (:
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Ride this roller coaster.
"A word of encouragement during a failure is worth more than an hour of praise after success."
Severe depression.
I love you. <3
I'll be here for you.
Talk about a great way to start my new pursuit of happiness. -_- When you're bombarded with such life changing information on the way to school, it takes your whole gut to keep yourself from crying or breaking down randomly during class. It takes all your strength to smile and laugh and joke. Then you begin to forget about the problem, and you're actually happy, but then you remember and you feel guilty for being happy. Life is a vicious cycle.
BUTBUTBUT. Don't worry. I'm still trying! Yesterday night I wrote a letter to the first person on my list. I hopehopehope I can talk to him this week. I needa get it off my chest. I was out of it today. I'm going to sleep early tonight and refresh my mind, and work towards a better perspective of life. (:
And. Joe, Priyanka, Alice, Isabel, and Michelle. I love you guys. <3 Haha JOE go to Aloha!! And, yes, let's take a picture, Priyanka! BTW I saw you at Borders todaay! hehe. But i was being sneaky and you didn't see me. x) Alice, Isabel, you guys are beautiful. (: And Michelle, I think you are the truly amazing one. I hope it works out for me, also. And yeah. (:
Basically, today was tough. I'm still confused about what happened. My family's different, but it's not noticeable. I hope we fix it. I hope you know we love you like heck, and we'll do anything for you. I hope you continue living your life. I love you. <3
EDIT. I'm inspired by the people who read what I wrote in the previous post and were inspired. You guys, I truly love you. (: HAHA. I just had to put that. But yeah. I'm reinspired. I need a lot of inspiration to live out life to it's fullest and enjoy what's give to me. So, let's all do this together. (: We need each other to get through life.
Severe depression.
I love you. <3
I'll be here for you.
Talk about a great way to start my new pursuit of happiness. -_- When you're bombarded with such life changing information on the way to school, it takes your whole gut to keep yourself from crying or breaking down randomly during class. It takes all your strength to smile and laugh and joke. Then you begin to forget about the problem, and you're actually happy, but then you remember and you feel guilty for being happy. Life is a vicious cycle.
BUTBUTBUT. Don't worry. I'm still trying! Yesterday night I wrote a letter to the first person on my list. I hopehopehope I can talk to him this week. I needa get it off my chest. I was out of it today. I'm going to sleep early tonight and refresh my mind, and work towards a better perspective of life. (:
And. Joe, Priyanka, Alice, Isabel, and Michelle. I love you guys. <3 Haha JOE go to Aloha!! And, yes, let's take a picture, Priyanka! BTW I saw you at Borders todaay! hehe. But i was being sneaky and you didn't see me. x) Alice, Isabel, you guys are beautiful. (: And Michelle, I think you are the truly amazing one. I hope it works out for me, also. And yeah. (:
Basically, today was tough. I'm still confused about what happened. My family's different, but it's not noticeable. I hope we fix it. I hope you know we love you like heck, and we'll do anything for you. I hope you continue living your life. I love you. <3
EDIT. I'm inspired by the people who read what I wrote in the previous post and were inspired. You guys, I truly love you. (: HAHA. I just had to put that. But yeah. I'm reinspired. I need a lot of inspiration to live out life to it's fullest and enjoy what's give to me. So, let's all do this together. (: We need each other to get through life.
Monday, May 25, 2009
The Glass Is Half Full. (:
Guess what, guys? I want to be little and cheerful and young and innocent again. I want to think boys are gross and girls will never ever do anything mean to me. I want to believe in fairytales again, I want to be that princess that gets rescued by a prince and lives happily ever after. I want my fun, care-free parents back. I want my brothers to talk again, and to be the best friends that they were. I want everyone around me to be happy. I want people not to regret their actions; because if they regret them why'd they even do them in the first place? I want to not be hated, I want to not hate. I want everyone I have hurt to forgive me. I want everyone to be best friends. I want the world to breathe easy again, I want it to flourish and grow and be beautiful and wonderful and amazing. I want the world to accept everyone in it, because they were put there for a reason. I want the world to love again; deeply routed strands of love running through the jungles and the rivers and the skyscrapers and the little villages and back around again and again. These strands of love should tie everyone together, should hold us up when someone falls. They're not there though. Why not? Because not eveyone loves, not everyone looks for the best in people. I want them to, though.
My goals for the end of this year are to:
-Apologize to the people I have hurt. I'm literally going to speak to the people that I think I've hurt the most. If I hurt you, and I don't apologize, let me know. I'm serious. I will apologize.
-Notice the best of the best things in people everyday. And then tell them this. I'm going to complement people that I see as best I can. They should know they're beautiful, I shouldn't very well keep this information to myself.
-Find the beauty in everything. Notice the small things. I used to be good at this. I started getting distracted. Now, I don't even look at clouds anymore. I need to cherish the smallest, most happy moments of my life.
-Be more optimistic. And not think about bad things for days, and just let them go.
Those are the two main ones. I want to do them. So if you see me not doing this, tell me. (: I know I can't be young again. But I'm going to try to make the best of growing up. I want to be happy, I want to see beauty, I want to love everyone, I want to spread joy; I want to be me, with a motiviation to live out everything, a newfound happiness. Care to join me? Let's make the best of our last days of freshman year, let's clear our slates, let's forgive those who have hurt us, let's seek forgiveness from those we've hurt, let's notice that pretty flower alone in a field of grass, let's notice her new hair pin, let's laugh for hours on end until we cry, let's open ourselves to everyone. Let's learn from and teach people around us how to love and enjoy life's little beauties. Sounds good, Yeah? :D
So, other than that. I think that Scandalous Scholastics by Gym Class Heroes is such a good song!! AND ALOHA IS ON FRIDAY!! O-MFREAKING-G that's in four days! I need something to wear! Everyone better go. I want to take pictures! Make sure you guys take a picture with me! I want to capture every memory. I've been having a shortage of pictures lately. haha. So yeeah. It's soon! And I'm going to have so much extra time now that I don't have ID practices. ): I wanna make one of those chains that you pull of one each day and it's a countdown. I'll make it a countdown to the last day of school.
That's so bittersweet. I'm so looking forward to summer and volleyball and soccer but I'm not looking forward to Health or Adrian's graduation or him going away or Daniel going back to college and me being home alone all of next year. I don't want to not see everyone everyday. Even passing by you, I say hi usually. I'm going to miss that during the summer. AGH. But whatever. Summer should still be fun. I'm going to try SO hard to sleep as much as I can and to read as much as I can! I have so many books to catch up on!!
So. This is such a randomass post. Sorry! But. I just don't wanna do my Spanish script. x) Haha. So if you read through this, good luck stringing everything together. (: I just wanna say I love you guys who do read this, even though we don't talk much at school. At least I know some people know these random tidbits of my life. Haha. Expect a happier me, tomorrow. Hopefully. (:
My goals for the end of this year are to:
-Apologize to the people I have hurt. I'm literally going to speak to the people that I think I've hurt the most. If I hurt you, and I don't apologize, let me know. I'm serious. I will apologize.
-Notice the best of the best things in people everyday. And then tell them this. I'm going to complement people that I see as best I can. They should know they're beautiful, I shouldn't very well keep this information to myself.
-Find the beauty in everything. Notice the small things. I used to be good at this. I started getting distracted. Now, I don't even look at clouds anymore. I need to cherish the smallest, most happy moments of my life.
-Be more optimistic. And not think about bad things for days, and just let them go.
Those are the two main ones. I want to do them. So if you see me not doing this, tell me. (: I know I can't be young again. But I'm going to try to make the best of growing up. I want to be happy, I want to see beauty, I want to love everyone, I want to spread joy; I want to be me, with a motiviation to live out everything, a newfound happiness. Care to join me? Let's make the best of our last days of freshman year, let's clear our slates, let's forgive those who have hurt us, let's seek forgiveness from those we've hurt, let's notice that pretty flower alone in a field of grass, let's notice her new hair pin, let's laugh for hours on end until we cry, let's open ourselves to everyone. Let's learn from and teach people around us how to love and enjoy life's little beauties. Sounds good, Yeah? :D
So, other than that. I think that Scandalous Scholastics by Gym Class Heroes is such a good song!! AND ALOHA IS ON FRIDAY!! O-MFREAKING-G that's in four days! I need something to wear! Everyone better go. I want to take pictures! Make sure you guys take a picture with me! I want to capture every memory. I've been having a shortage of pictures lately. haha. So yeeah. It's soon! And I'm going to have so much extra time now that I don't have ID practices. ): I wanna make one of those chains that you pull of one each day and it's a countdown. I'll make it a countdown to the last day of school.
That's so bittersweet. I'm so looking forward to summer and volleyball and soccer but I'm not looking forward to Health or Adrian's graduation or him going away or Daniel going back to college and me being home alone all of next year. I don't want to not see everyone everyday. Even passing by you, I say hi usually. I'm going to miss that during the summer. AGH. But whatever. Summer should still be fun. I'm going to try SO hard to sleep as much as I can and to read as much as I can! I have so many books to catch up on!!
So. This is such a randomass post. Sorry! But. I just don't wanna do my Spanish script. x) Haha. So if you read through this, good luck stringing everything together. (: I just wanna say I love you guys who do read this, even though we don't talk much at school. At least I know some people know these random tidbits of my life. Haha. Expect a happier me, tomorrow. Hopefully. (:
Saturday, May 23, 2009
International Day
YAYYY SECOND PLACE!!! (: Good job guys. Thank you to everyone who put up with me and my craziness and thank you for listening when it become important. I watched the video my dad recorded of us today, and we looked amazing. (:
Juniors. Stop hating. In case you never noticed, you are not the only ones who ever did Irish/hula/Chinese/or Indian dancing. We didn't even do the same dances, just the same cultures. You guys are lame. We didn't even remember your act while planning. If every class was liek you, everyone would be mad because we almost all do certain dances every year. -__- lame. And yeah, way to post the link of your act from 2007 all over facebook. We get it. You think we copied you. But, honestly, we really didn't remember it. It wasn't uber memorable to seventh graders. Sorry. But yeah. Stop hating please. We worked hard on what we did and I know that I don't appreciate that you guys think we copied you, because we didn't.
Ugh Idk. It's not just juniors. Not even all juniors. Just some people. I'm not saying that your act that year was bad, I think it was really good as i'm watching it again. hence, you guys won first place. but it's just frustrating to think that we must really think everyone's copying each other. but whatevs.
once again, thank you class of 2012, you are amazing and even though getting your guys' attention and cooperation was hard a lotta times, everything still worked out. (:
Juniors. Stop hating. In case you never noticed, you are not the only ones who ever did Irish/hula/Chinese/or Indian dancing. We didn't even do the same dances, just the same cultures. You guys are lame. We didn't even remember your act while planning. If every class was liek you, everyone would be mad because we almost all do certain dances every year. -__- lame. And yeah, way to post the link of your act from 2007 all over facebook. We get it. You think we copied you. But, honestly, we really didn't remember it. It wasn't uber memorable to seventh graders. Sorry. But yeah. Stop hating please. We worked hard on what we did and I know that I don't appreciate that you guys think we copied you, because we didn't.
Ugh Idk. It's not just juniors. Not even all juniors. Just some people. I'm not saying that your act that year was bad, I think it was really good as i'm watching it again. hence, you guys won first place. but it's just frustrating to think that we must really think everyone's copying each other. but whatevs.
once again, thank you class of 2012, you are amazing and even though getting your guys' attention and cooperation was hard a lotta times, everything still worked out. (:
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Mother's Dayy.
I just love how I always fuck up on the same day every year. My mom must love that too. My whole freaking family must love it. Something must be wrong with me.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
It's the Climb. <3
"I gotta be strong; Just keep pushing on."
I lovee that song. I love that movie. I hate cute stories though. It's not real life. At least not mine. Maybe eventually it will be. (:
And. Thanks guys for reading my blog. AHAH it's been a whilee. And i re-read that last post. And I lost myself. It's super confusing. I did it like that on purpose. (: There's this person. And I kinda like him. HAHA. But there was another person included in that post that's not this person. I miss him though.
And crazyyycrazy life right now. I'm already stressed from ID and it's like the third practice. Goodness. In advanced, I am so sorry if I yell at you or seem mean or angry or annoyed; I kinda just let go randomly and then I feel so bad about it after. Like SORRY for today. to like the twenty people I acted meanly to. ): I love you guys so much for doing it in the first place. I'm just tired and stressed and confused!
My brother might go to USC School of Theater. And I've been so far from him lately, it makes me soo sad. He's gonna leave soon. And I'll be alone at my house. Life with my parents will be easier; but life without him here will be weirder. But at this point it's not like I see him much anyways. My friends are even surprised when they see him at my house. And I'm like, "Uh. He lives here? Duh." but it's true, he's not home more than half the time. I dunno. I hope I get closer to him before he leaves. AND. I'm tired now. It's 11:25. I wanna sleep cause I don't wanna be grumpy tomorrow. hahaah. (:
I lovee that song. I love that movie. I hate cute stories though. It's not real life. At least not mine. Maybe eventually it will be. (:
And. Thanks guys for reading my blog. AHAH it's been a whilee. And i re-read that last post. And I lost myself. It's super confusing. I did it like that on purpose. (: There's this person. And I kinda like him. HAHA. But there was another person included in that post that's not this person. I miss him though.
And crazyyycrazy life right now. I'm already stressed from ID and it's like the third practice. Goodness. In advanced, I am so sorry if I yell at you or seem mean or angry or annoyed; I kinda just let go randomly and then I feel so bad about it after. Like SORRY for today. to like the twenty people I acted meanly to. ): I love you guys so much for doing it in the first place. I'm just tired and stressed and confused!
My brother might go to USC School of Theater. And I've been so far from him lately, it makes me soo sad. He's gonna leave soon. And I'll be alone at my house. Life with my parents will be easier; but life without him here will be weirder. But at this point it's not like I see him much anyways. My friends are even surprised when they see him at my house. And I'm like, "Uh. He lives here? Duh." but it's true, he's not home more than half the time. I dunno. I hope I get closer to him before he leaves. AND. I'm tired now. It's 11:25. I wanna sleep cause I don't wanna be grumpy tomorrow. hahaah. (:
Thursday, April 16, 2009
AW ):
Guess what. I saw someone today. And I can't stop thinking about it. And it's annoying me. And I don't even have his stupid phone number. He's just a friend though. But stillll. STUPIDSTUPIDSTUPID. howww sad. ):
BUT. Today. I played at chuck e. cheese with somebody. and how ironically i saw that other somebody there. but there were a lot of people at chuck e. cheese. but i played with a certain someone a lot. and he cheated and kept beating me. HAHA. That's it.
It's been forever since I updated. Sorry. And sorry this post sucks and doesn't make sense. HAHAH.
BUT. Today. I played at chuck e. cheese with somebody. and how ironically i saw that other somebody there. but there were a lot of people at chuck e. cheese. but i played with a certain someone a lot. and he cheated and kept beating me. HAHA. That's it.
It's been forever since I updated. Sorry. And sorry this post sucks and doesn't make sense. HAHAH.
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