Crash and Burn

I need to stop wanting things I can't fucking get and stop interfering with people who are happy. And I need to stop hoping things will work out sooner or later, because I'm just hurting myself by being the one waiting for things to change. I should also stop hurting others by trying to play things to my advantage, I should stop toying with their emotions. Why the hell do I feel like everything is wrong?! I get that people should feel that at times, but ALL the time is a bit much, because yeah, I've done some things I shouldn't have, but not everything was wrong. And some of it was me reaching out, wanting to help, wanting to comfort, and I manage to feel wrong about that too. Some of it is them; they say they want things they know you shouldn't be able to give them but somehow you manage to do so, and then you feel super shitty afterwards. You asked to redo that, I said it's not possible. You told me you don't know how to phrase your thoughts correctly, that you really meant to say this or that, and can I please forgive you. You told me we could be more. You told me you'd never try to push me away. You told me it's complicated. Everything is complicated. Everyone told me, It's gonna all be okay, just give it time and things will work out, you know what's right and what's wrong. Well. I'm waiting. I'm fucking waiting and I don't know how much longer I can handle it. I'm tired of it all. I'm just tired. And you can only be tired for so long before you crash and burn. And the only consolation at the end of it all, the only reason I'm willing to put up with everything, to lose my mind to the draining activities I take part in, to let you tear me down with your words, or give me false hope, is that even if I do crash, even if I do give up totally, even if I just want to shut the whole damn world out, I know that one person will be there to help me put myself back together. And I'm so grateful for that.