Monday, September 28, 2009
Disorder: Schizotypal
Hahaha. I seek comfort in being alone and I'm eccentric, hard to follow, and have odd habits. That's what the high thing is. everything else is low or moderate. but i think I lied on some questions! :D hehehe.
"She sat on her bed, writing about the fights and the tears, the slammed doors and the harsh screams, writing about the fear and the worry for her brothers, about the broken family and the lost hope for a proper home, tears wetting the pages; they tell her to write what she knows, so she does."
I wrote that for a sentence for Palmieri. I didn't realize it. But I think I was kinda writing about myself subconsciously. but i haven't done that in a long while. (: I'm doing good. Or I'm just getting better at ignoring the bad stuff.
and school. is. taking all the energy. out of me. ): but i'm distracting myself. so i must go do homework and study now.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Hahaha. It has my name. (: THIS is from Avi's blog. Buttt I read it. and saw my name. And got excited. Then got sad cause it's a sad cartoon. ): CAUSE my name is NEVER in anything! Like literally, if we're reading something in class and I see my name I start freaking out. And no one gets me. haha.
so. my schedule. (:
2-bender
3-perry
4-homstad (apspanish)
5-palmieri
6-fierro
matching classes?? :D let me knoww.
I keep confusing fierro with palmieri. this is so weird! LIKE I keep telling people I'm in Fierro 5th and getting all excited about having it with them and then I realize I actually have it sixth. ): This is makign me sad. haha. I don't know if I will call my mom "Mom" or "Mrs. Fierro" either is weird. because mom is kinda awkward, and i never call teachers Mrs. I always say ms. so that's weird cause i KNOW my mom's married. HAHAH. but yeaah. enjoy yourself if you're in that class with me. there'll probably be many awkward moments. x)
andandand. ALICEZUO inspired me to make cool bracelets. but I started one semi cool one, and I don't like the colors. It's pink and yellow. So I don't even wanna finish it cause I don't want it and I can't think of anyone who would wear pink and yellow. ):
THIS WAS going to be a happy post! BUT after every topic I start, something comes up that saddens me. Lol. but they're just small bumps. (: Come to the class bake sale tomorrow! at 10 cause that's when I'll be there! ;D At Ralph's on Pioneer and DelAmo. (: SEE YOU THEN. :D
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Kinda Sorta Do
I thinkk. I kinda miss them two. The people who gave me rides for the longest times, the two guys who I can tell everything to, the brothers that I've leaned on forever, the one that protected me from my parents, the one that explained why my life is how it is to me, the two people who I fought with all the time just because I knew they'd still love me in the end. The two brothers that I have taken for granted all this time. The one who started to hate it here so much it drove him crazy, the one that seemed to go across the country to get away but still always came back, they held me up. The brother that worried about me crying during a stupid family fight, the time I lost it because I saw him hurting. The brother who has taken care of me for the past few years, the one who drives a cool car and will go out of his way to get me somewhere, and is always there to talk to. I miss them. I'm used to Danny being gone, but now with Adrian it's weird. I realized it when I got home today and my bathroom was clean, and it's because they aren't here so there's no one to make it messy. Isn't that weird? A stupid clean bathroom is what reminded me of them being gone. But I'm sure Adrian's having fun at frat parties and Danny's having fun looking for girls to talk to. :D I need school to start. It will distract me and it will give me reasons to be out of the house.
Friday, August 21, 2009
You Believe
"When was the last time you smiled yourself to sleep?" - You Believe, Steven Dunston <3
"Okay," he said. He took a breath. "What would you do, if you could do anything?"
I took a step toward him, closing the space between us. "This," I said. And then I kissed him.
"Everyone had a forever, but given a choice, this would be mine. The one that began in this moment, with Wes, in a kiss that took my breath away, then gave it back - leaving me astounded, amazed, and most of all, alive."
Favorite favorite favorite book of all time. (:
"Okay," he said. He took a breath. "What would you do, if you could do anything?"
I took a step toward him, closing the space between us. "This," I said. And then I kissed him.
"Everyone had a forever, but given a choice, this would be mine. The one that began in this moment, with Wes, in a kiss that took my breath away, then gave it back - leaving me astounded, amazed, and most of all, alive."
Favorite favorite favorite book of all time. (:
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Summer2009
SUMMER2009 has been a fail. but also fun. but also pointless. and i'm getting restless. I want school to start kinda sorta. I wanna talk about my summer so far, but it's been pretty pointless. I still want to (1) go to disneyland, (2) go to Palm Springs with Megan, (3) go to a partayy at amritas house (:, (4) plaay with a certain person that I saw at chuck e cheese's at jessica's birthday, if you know what i mean. ;D but actually, no. this one won't happen ):, (5) go ice skating, (6) go to light the night, (5) watch like 34904190 movies, (6) get better at volleyball, and (7) have a bonding thingie with volleyball girls. BUTBUT there's so much more I want to do. and none of it will happen. and hardly any of these things will happen. how disheartening. ):
sososo. I went on a bracelet making kick, and i got all excited about making them again cause it was a while since I made them. But now, there is no one to give them to. ): cause no one asks me for them since like 2039 bajillion people can make them now. BUT if anybody wants a bracelet, i'd be more than happy to make you one. no joke. I'm that bored that i need to do something with my hands at all times. so if no one wants them, i'm just gonna make like 30 and have no where to put them. and that's a sad future for these poor bracelets.
on another note. "I just don't think you should rush into getting your license. It's a big responsibility to drive around others. I can just take you everywhere for a couple years. Danny and Adrian don't even give you that many rides." Basically. "I'm making up every possible excuse to keep you from driving." -__- L;IJEALK i was so excited to get my permit. and I talked about it with my parents today, and they won't have it. they don't want me to drive. but really, my brothers give me SO many rides all the time, and they'll both be gone now. So I will have many many more awkward rides with my mom because I won't be able to drive. ): it's not really a big deal, it just made me sad.
9 days until: my life changes, there's an extra room in my house, there's one less person to share my bathroom with, there'll be no one to drive that blue car with its respective "yale" and "usc" stickers, until I'm that much closer to being alone with my parents. 9 days until Adrian moves out of the house. All year, I was saying I won't be sad when he leaves. That's it'll be better for him, for me, and for my parents when he's gone. I've been saying I won't cry when we drop him off. That OF COURSE NOT I won't be sad, why would I? but I don't know anymore. It'll be so different. then a couple weeks later, Danny's going back to Yale. And I can't stop thinking about how weird it will be. The two people who I need at home to help me with my parents, who I watch tv with and talk about my life with, the two people who I've relied so heavily on for the past few years. they're both gonna be gone. I'm scared of Adrian leaving. Danny, I always knew he'd come back often. But Adrian. Once he's gone, he's gone for good. I think. He won't come back for random things if he can help it. And now, I'm realizing I'll miss him. And I keep wanting to hang out with him alone before he leaves, like lunch or a movie or Cue or something. But I can't, because he still sees me more as a sister he has to deal with then as a friend. And LIJDAJIJEL i just don't know. I'm so up and down about him leaving. And the thing is, when Danny left, I wasn't as close with him as I feel to Adrian. So it wasn't as tough. But idk maybe i'm just pmsing right now or something. who knows.
I raised my hands as if to show you I was yours
That I was so yours for the taking
And I'm still so yours for the taking
And that's when I felt the wind pick up
I grabbed the rail while choking up
No words to say, And then you kissed me....
this is my new favorite song. <3 I love/hate love songs. x) They're like a beacon of hope but also a flashlight that illuminates all that you can't have. it kinda sucks. But still, when Ade danced to this in Sytycd i literally like swooned. haha. I lovee it. (:
sososo. I went on a bracelet making kick, and i got all excited about making them again cause it was a while since I made them. But now, there is no one to give them to. ): cause no one asks me for them since like 2039 bajillion people can make them now. BUT if anybody wants a bracelet, i'd be more than happy to make you one. no joke. I'm that bored that i need to do something with my hands at all times. so if no one wants them, i'm just gonna make like 30 and have no where to put them. and that's a sad future for these poor bracelets.
on another note. "I just don't think you should rush into getting your license. It's a big responsibility to drive around others. I can just take you everywhere for a couple years. Danny and Adrian don't even give you that many rides." Basically. "I'm making up every possible excuse to keep you from driving." -__- L;IJEALK i was so excited to get my permit. and I talked about it with my parents today, and they won't have it. they don't want me to drive. but really, my brothers give me SO many rides all the time, and they'll both be gone now. So I will have many many more awkward rides with my mom because I won't be able to drive. ): it's not really a big deal, it just made me sad.
9 days until: my life changes, there's an extra room in my house, there's one less person to share my bathroom with, there'll be no one to drive that blue car with its respective "yale" and "usc" stickers, until I'm that much closer to being alone with my parents. 9 days until Adrian moves out of the house. All year, I was saying I won't be sad when he leaves. That's it'll be better for him, for me, and for my parents when he's gone. I've been saying I won't cry when we drop him off. That OF COURSE NOT I won't be sad, why would I? but I don't know anymore. It'll be so different. then a couple weeks later, Danny's going back to Yale. And I can't stop thinking about how weird it will be. The two people who I need at home to help me with my parents, who I watch tv with and talk about my life with, the two people who I've relied so heavily on for the past few years. they're both gonna be gone. I'm scared of Adrian leaving. Danny, I always knew he'd come back often. But Adrian. Once he's gone, he's gone for good. I think. He won't come back for random things if he can help it. And now, I'm realizing I'll miss him. And I keep wanting to hang out with him alone before he leaves, like lunch or a movie or Cue or something. But I can't, because he still sees me more as a sister he has to deal with then as a friend. And LIJDAJIJEL i just don't know. I'm so up and down about him leaving. And the thing is, when Danny left, I wasn't as close with him as I feel to Adrian. So it wasn't as tough. But idk maybe i'm just pmsing right now or something. who knows.
I raised my hands as if to show you I was yours
That I was so yours for the taking
And I'm still so yours for the taking
And that's when I felt the wind pick up
I grabbed the rail while choking up
No words to say, And then you kissed me....
this is my new favorite song. <3 I love/hate love songs. x) They're like a beacon of hope but also a flashlight that illuminates all that you can't have. it kinda sucks. But still, when Ade danced to this in Sytycd i literally like swooned. haha. I lovee it. (:
Friday, July 10, 2009
Dear Summer Lovers;
"I knew if I gave into it, I'd have to surrender myself completely. I'd lose all control. Everything I knew, everything I was, the walls I'd built up to protect myself all these years would come crashing down. I might get lost in the rubble."
Keeping You a Secret; Julie Anne Peters
Kind of explains my life. It's so reassuring, to read these books, and meet these characters that are experiencing everything I have. Books are my secret pleasure. Everyone sees me as a nerd. They don't stop to think about what it is I'm reading, or why. Why? Because when I read, I read about the lives of other people, about their hardships, their crushes, their break-ups, their first loves, first kisses, first times; I read about their losses, their troubles, their parents, their life. And in the time that I'm reading, I don't think about my own life at all. How many things do you do that actually take you that much away from yourself? Soccer, volleyball, they kind of do that for me also. But reading a book with a bowl of ice cream, sitting in my bed under the covers, with the breeze coming in through my windows, it is absolutely the best thing ever to me. It's weird, I guess. You get your pleasures and happinesses from sports, from writing, from drawing, from music, from those types of things. I get mine from books. I can spend hours reading through a book I've already read three times, and it doesn't feel like a waste of time. In fact, it feels like the time goes by too fast. I love that. So, yeah. I like reading. Call me a nerd if you want to. (:
So I read The Year of Secret Assignments recently.
Truthfully, I bought it because of the name of one of the characters. You know that guy I saw at Chuck E. Cheese, that guy who had me second guessing my feelings? If you don't, then oh well. But yeah. That guy. His name was in this book. I saw it, so I bought it. HOW CRAZY IS THAT. But yeah. I've talked to him. I don't get butterflies through texting; who does? I want to hang out with him. I'm scared to. You know how sometimes you create the illusion that you absolutely love this person, but then you hang out with them a bit more, and you don't feel that way anymore? I don't want that to happen. Sometimes, is it better to leave things as they are, in that perfect place, or to pursue it, whether it turns out well or not? Don't get me wrong, I don't like him. But he is still someone I have wanted to get close to again since he left Whitney. You know, when I saw him randomly, I practically pushed three people out of my booth to get up to go see him? I've never had that rush of emotions about anyone before. It was fun. But it was a long time ago. OHMYOHMY. I don't like him. (: I don't like anyone. Not that anyone cares.
But. The Year of Secret Assignments and Memoirs of a Teenage Amnesiac are really good books. (: And Keeping You a Secret is about lesbians/gays. Not that I care. But it took me twenty pages to figure it out. Because the main character's name is Holland, and she is talking about a girl, but I couldn't tell if Holland is a boys' name or a girls' name. x)
Today in Health; it was boring. I think I would die in that class if Mr. Burnett didn't talk to Melissa and me a lot. Because I try to participate a lot, and it's still boring. How is it in the back of the class for you guys? :O And so, we're doing that BestLookingPersonoftheOppositeGender thing. Thanks a lot second period. I blush easily. So Andy got picked, then he picked me and I blushed even though I didn't really feel the blush, and so then I picked Chris and it's so awkward when you get put on the spot like that and are expected to say a name. Like. It won't come out! I could feel my lips twitching. HAHA. And it's not like you love the person, right? It's just to so publicly call someone out is embarrassing. THEN Chris picked me again. I don't know why! I think he was just too lazy to pick someone. HAHAH. (huh, Chris? If you're reading this.) So the whole class went crazy and was like "Ooooh something's going on here!" and Melissa said I was blushing like crazy again. Haha. Fun times. (: But yeah. ChristopherPlatt, I will get you back. :D
Love,
Marissa Fierro (:
P.S. This is the prettiest post I've ever made, by my standards. (:
Keeping You a Secret; Julie Anne Peters
Kind of explains my life. It's so reassuring, to read these books, and meet these characters that are experiencing everything I have. Books are my secret pleasure. Everyone sees me as a nerd. They don't stop to think about what it is I'm reading, or why. Why? Because when I read, I read about the lives of other people, about their hardships, their crushes, their break-ups, their first loves, first kisses, first times; I read about their losses, their troubles, their parents, their life. And in the time that I'm reading, I don't think about my own life at all. How many things do you do that actually take you that much away from yourself? Soccer, volleyball, they kind of do that for me also. But reading a book with a bowl of ice cream, sitting in my bed under the covers, with the breeze coming in through my windows, it is absolutely the best thing ever to me. It's weird, I guess. You get your pleasures and happinesses from sports, from writing, from drawing, from music, from those types of things. I get mine from books. I can spend hours reading through a book I've already read three times, and it doesn't feel like a waste of time. In fact, it feels like the time goes by too fast. I love that. So, yeah. I like reading. Call me a nerd if you want to. (:
So I read The Year of Secret Assignments recently.
Truthfully, I bought it because of the name of one of the characters. You know that guy I saw at Chuck E. Cheese, that guy who had me second guessing my feelings? If you don't, then oh well. But yeah. That guy. His name was in this book. I saw it, so I bought it. HOW CRAZY IS THAT. But yeah. I've talked to him. I don't get butterflies through texting; who does? I want to hang out with him. I'm scared to. You know how sometimes you create the illusion that you absolutely love this person, but then you hang out with them a bit more, and you don't feel that way anymore? I don't want that to happen. Sometimes, is it better to leave things as they are, in that perfect place, or to pursue it, whether it turns out well or not? Don't get me wrong, I don't like him. But he is still someone I have wanted to get close to again since he left Whitney. You know, when I saw him randomly, I practically pushed three people out of my booth to get up to go see him? I've never had that rush of emotions about anyone before. It was fun. But it was a long time ago. OHMYOHMY. I don't like him. (: I don't like anyone. Not that anyone cares.
But. The Year of Secret Assignments and Memoirs of a Teenage Amnesiac are really good books. (: And Keeping You a Secret is about lesbians/gays. Not that I care. But it took me twenty pages to figure it out. Because the main character's name is Holland, and she is talking about a girl, but I couldn't tell if Holland is a boys' name or a girls' name. x)
Today in Health; it was boring. I think I would die in that class if Mr. Burnett didn't talk to Melissa and me a lot. Because I try to participate a lot, and it's still boring. How is it in the back of the class for you guys? :O And so, we're doing that BestLookingPersonoftheOppositeGender thing. Thanks a lot second period. I blush easily. So Andy got picked, then he picked me and I blushed even though I didn't really feel the blush, and so then I picked Chris and it's so awkward when you get put on the spot like that and are expected to say a name. Like. It won't come out! I could feel my lips twitching. HAHA. And it's not like you love the person, right? It's just to so publicly call someone out is embarrassing. THEN Chris picked me again. I don't know why! I think he was just too lazy to pick someone. HAHAH. (huh, Chris? If you're reading this.) So the whole class went crazy and was like "Ooooh something's going on here!" and Melissa said I was blushing like crazy again. Haha. Fun times. (: But yeah. ChristopherPlatt, I will get you back. :D
Love,
Marissa Fierro (:
P.S. This is the prettiest post I've ever made, by my standards. (:
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
You Can't Hurry Love!
It's purely selfish. It's simply a wish. It's amazingly a desire. It's sadly a lie. It's terrifyingly a possibility. It's literally a dream. I want it to be a startling possibility, a blatant reality.
There's this song. I forgot what it is. It's annoying me. It says something about two people wishing they could be older? So that they could have a further along relationship. GOODNESS. I can't remember.
There's this song. I forgot what it is. It's annoying me. It says something about two people wishing they could be older? So that they could have a further along relationship. GOODNESS. I can't remember.
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