It's weird to tell people that, yeah, of course we made up and we're good now. when you don't even believe it yourself at times. I should fix this. :/

I truly, truly appreciate that you are inquiring about her. I'm glad to tell you how she's doing, if she needs anything, and any other details you may want to know. But what about how I'm doing?

The thing is, I'm not all too shaken up, just a little rattled. But I'd still really appreciate the question from some people, or maybe a hug, or something. Just so that I don't become completely numb about the whole thing, because I am definitely on my way there.

"I'm about to lose my mind."

and my emotions. and my body. and my health. my sanity is slipping away. too much and in too little time is driving me crazy. don't get me wrong, for the most part i like being busy, i like having things to do, but lately it's just been too much. i hope things start to get better soon :)

i am fucking sick of this bullshit.

i am fucking sorry that the times that everyone else does well, i fuck up.

i am sorry that i make stupid careless mistakes.

i am sorry that i don't do as fucking well as everyone around me.

i am sorry that i don't dedicate my life to the one thing that matters most in your life, and that i care about other things as well.

i am sorry that i fucking try so hard, even though you may not see it, and i still don't come out on top.

i'm fucking sorry that my best doesn't meet your expectations.

maybe one of these days, you'll all be proud of me instead of her, him, or all the other kids. maybe one of these days, you'll realize that this is important to me, so when I don't do well, i already feel like shit. and you just make it worse.

i snapped at my dad today...
what the fuck is going on with me?

apparently, i suck at being alone. I thought i liked it, but when it was voluntary. But now that it's forced, i fucking hate it and don't know how to handle it.

I feel like my baby's growing up; and I feel like I'm not getting older while she is and I'm getting left behind. Two seemingly different concepts, but they produce basically the same feeling. I don't really know how to react, but I do know that I really am happy for you, I just need time to adjust. Who woulda thought... Anyways, honey, I still love you and I am sooo happy that you are finally content and satisfied, just make sure to always make time for me. <3
And. On a side note. Who would have thought that all I had to do was ask. You're back in my lifee.. and if anyone reading this keeps in touch with me at all, you know you I am talking about, and I must inform you that I'm pretty damn excited. (: