Adrian, I think that they're scared it's going to happen to me, too. I'm scared it's going to happen to me, too. I'm worried that they're watching me too closely. There are so many days where there's nothing motivating me at all except my fear of becoming like that. So many days where I'd rather drop everything and just lie there or sleep, where it seems like the easiest thing to do. Days when I want to cut myself off from everyone and not communicate with anyone. Days when I'm sick of trying. I wish I could talk to you about this. You would be the only one who could help me. But I really can't.

I wish we were at the point where you could tell me anything, without me having to pry.