Merry Christmas Eve?

Mkaay. So. Basically. Freak. -__-

Honestly, today is supposed to be my fun day. My FAMILY'S fun, care-free, happy, "let's be nice to each other even if we're faking it" day. And it's not working out. It's the one day when i WISH we would fake it, because I'd rather fake it then be mad at each other today. But it's really not hworking. Maybe when my other family comes over, things will fix themselves. Maybe my parents and my brothers and I will have a few hours of happiness. Maybe of real happiness. Wouldn't that be freaking wonderful? Wow. I'm like post-PMSing right now. Because I've teared like five times today already. So like, Adrian's friends came over today to give presents and to help make tamales, and then I didn't get to help because they didn't need me. So my mom was like, "Marissa, go make the beds with the new sheets" so I go upstairs and Adrian's in his room, and i'm like "Oh, I need to make your bed, move." and yeah okay, I sounded bitchy. But he was like "No. I'll make it myself" and i was all like "okay fine. but make it now because mom asked ME to do it" and my mom gets mad when we don't do what she asks us to do. And he was like "Well how about you just be polite and leave me alone?!" in a really mean sarcastic way. And then I closed the door and like cussed to myself. I never do that. And I went into Danny's room and made his bed and I kept like almost crying. ): Freaking Adrian. And last night I wrote him this really like uber nice heartfelt card, and when I was making danny's bed I seriously was concocting a plan to go downstairs and steal the card back and just give him the gift card. Honestly, he should freaking just go live with his friends. He's like ten million times happier with them. -__-

But, later, I'm gonna be like "WTF why did I post this? I love him." And i'm gonna wanna delete it. So I dunno. Whatever.

Umm. Trying to be happier. Merry Christmas Eve, and in a while Merry Christmas. (: I hope you guys are enjoying your families and you have fun! I was watching TV today, and I think it'd be really cute if someone's boyfriend/girlfriend comes over to celebrate with the family. haha. And that is my "Aww how cute" boy thought of the day. x) Byee!

Catch me when I fall. (:

I can't remember the sound of his voice. I miss talking to him for an hour everyday when we were supposed to be learning. I want to see his smile and hear him laugh again. I want that feeling back, that he'll be there to make me laugh when I'm mad, and to listen while I rant about boys or friends. I want him back, so we can say how everyone sounds so weird speaking in a language they don't know. I want to remember his voice. And I can't.

And. I haven't really been in the mood to blog lately. :\ I dunno. I think I've closed up a bit. And I can't open up again. It's like, when you get a cut, and it starts to heal, but you cut it again, and it hurts even worse? And like, while you were healing, you felt so good and closed up? And numb to the pain, so the last thing you wanted was to get cut again? Yeah. I feel sorta like that. I've been closed up to my feelings pretty much. Except for once in a while. And I don't want to be vulnerable to tears and anger and extreme joy or anything that's not just okay again. At least not for now. So, yeah. that's why i haven't been much in the blogging mood.

Thank You?

Todaay was good. I guess. In the morning, Melissa and I and my parents went to Whitney for this soccer tournament thingie. We went mainly to support them and to see what was going on. And Melissa and I just were in the parking lot talking to Andy &Michael while they took people's parking money. Haha. It was fun. Then afterwards, my parents were like "meet us at the car we're leaving" and we got in and drove out when my mom told us they had food so we were like "oh we want some!" so we drove back in and me &Melissa like ran into the field. And we were looking for the food and like we saw Jesus for like two seconds. But the food we wanted wasn't there and we were in a rush so we just ran back out. And then we went to TC to watch Four Christmases. When we got there we got Starbucks, and I tried the green tea frappuchino and it was reallyy gross. ahaha. So the movie was really funny! Then we took Melissa home and when we got home we started getting ready for dinner.

When we got there, some of my aunts and uncles were there. We were about to start eating but then my aunt realized the turkey was undercooked. So like all the kids had served there food and we had to wait for it to be recooked. -_- for like twenty minutes. so we decided to say grace and when we started eating everyone had to warm up their food. ahaha. But yeeah. I guess it was good. There were moments when I was like "what the hell. This is thanksgiving. Could you just stop?" because of my mom/brother but whatever. I should be used to it, right? After we ate pie, me, Adrian, and my cousin like fell asleep on the sofas, because we were soo tired. And the drive home took like 40 minutes. and now, I'm tired. But i just wanted to write this. (: And i have practice tomorrow from 8-10 so I might as well sleep noww. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. (:

oh. guys! run faster!

AHAHA okay so today. I totally did something retarded during soccer. like we were jogging around the field and randomly stopping to do crunches. and the second lap was supposed to be sprinting. soo like i was pretty freaking tired so i wasn't sprinting full out. but i was near the end and we were passing the guys team who was in a circle. and all of a sudden i sprinted sooo fast till the end! ahaha. likee the world was blurring! and emily hwang said it's just my natural instinct to impress boys and all girls have it. ahaha.

andd. formal. AHAH okay so the main reason i don't wanna get asked I realized is cuz like. Sure, I'd most likely say yes to some guys. BUT what if like after I find out someone i'd RATHER go with is gonna ask me? or i'd just rather go with someone else, but they can't go? Or. If I'm totaallly fine with going with someone who asks me, but at the same time i'd rather not because people will think of us as a 'thing' and i don't wanna be thought of like that. especially if there's other people i'd rather... i dunno. it's hard to explain! whatevs. i'll just see IF i even get asked. which i doubt i will. ahah.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ISABEL! (: I hope you're enjoying your 15th birthday! (:

I have to do homework now. ): I don't even feel like I have any. But i knoww i have something to do. ): OH! i got a 96 on my math test! maybe that'll make up for the sucky bio grade i'll get tomorrow! ahah.

Okaay so I finally got pushed to do this. (: I haven't posted in a month. and I think it's because I tried that whole non-deep thingie. But I dunno. it didn't work out. So whatever. I will post weird stuff that makes you be like "who the heck is this girl?!" but i'll also do happy stuff. (: And two people reminded me I haven't posted in a while. So here I go, a totally randooom post. (:

So. A lot has gone on in one month! I'm pretty over thinking that one guy is really cute. Like yeah, I think he's cute but theen it's not like something I always think about. AHAH. But. i HATE guys. Like. They confuse me so much. But I'm sure you don't care. x) Let's just saay. Formal's coming up. And I thought I wanted to get asked but I'm not sure anymoree. But that's a confusing thing for me to explain. But still. I guess it'd be REALLY cool to get asked. ahaha.

Now, I have free 7ths because I have soccer practices at 3:15 so i'm free till theen. So basically I just either go with the athletics people or I'm in front of bender's watching people play cards. ahaha. And yeah. Soccer. Is. Freaking. Intense. It's not even super tiring, it's just weird. Like it gets us tired in the moment, but I honestly can't see much improvement. And I haven't been able to practice much because of my shin splints on my left leg. ): BUT i'm getting better I hope. First game is on December 2, against Gahr, at home. Don't watch. x) LOL. Hmm. But soccer is fun. I've started talking to a buncha people now.

So. Life's been whatever. Sometimes, I honestly feel like just screaming my heart out. But sometimes, I'm so happy. THe littles things make me happy. But becuase of that the littlest things make me sad too. So. I have like an emotional aspect of me that has to remain very balanced, because I know once I have that happy fun crazy time something will happen that will make it seem worthless, you know? And like, I really forget everything outside during soccer. Like even if it's something reallyy good that happened or something bad. Like I just forget it, and focus on soccer. And it's fun for me. It really helps take my mind off things. (:

Buut. gaaah. I'm confused about life; about guys and friends and family and school. It's all so tough. Like I feel so physically and mentally tired all the time trying to please people and do well in school and not say anything to offend people and from going out of your way to do things for someone. It's just, hard. But. It's the weekend. I hope I get to rest. (:

So. Yeeah. I hope I'll update more. I've just been uber busyy. So yeah. (:

"Can I have a hug?" "WTF?!"

So, I just realized I never got a drawing from him. And that's not gonna mean anything to any of you, but it's true. And now all of a sudden I want one. That's what I asked for the whole time, and I never got it. ): But. Whatever. xD ahahah. I'm a loser.

And freaking. Formal has been coming up a lot. Like "Ooh. FORMAL!" or "Are you gonna go?" "Are you gonna ask someone?" and yeah. I'm getting excited for it. And I want a date. But I doubt I'll get one. And if I get one, I want it to be as friends. ahahah. But I wanna go with friends too. So I dunno. I don't wanna go dress shopping though. ): I hate that part. But getting my hair done is fine and pictures too. ahhaha.

Oh. and. I reallyyy wanna do something crazy to my hair. With color. Like bright red or blue or purple or pink. Like. The bottom layer, or the middle layer, or a random panel. And my daddy said maybe I'm old enough now and my mommy was really iffy but she said if she let me I could do those colors. So i think they'll let me soon! I just have to remind them all the time to think about it. and today at TC, i was getting buddy gifts and shopping, and freaking everyone I saw had COOOL hair with like panelling or layered colors or whatever. And I told my daddy it was a sign I should get it done and he laughed. (:

And. I feel like I have work left, but I can't think of anything. And I don't get the clifford sheet for math so I have to do it tomorrow, and I still have part of bio left. So I guess I'll do it in the morning.

On FRIDAY. Freaking HANNAWOO. >:O Me & Claudine were outside at snack watching a few guys play cards. And like the night before I told her I thought this one guy was cute, so she walks up to all of us and she like puts her arm around him and is like "Hey what's up?!" and like messes up his hair and she's like looking at me with this mischievious glint in her eyes the whole time. So i was like "AHAHA YOU'RE FUNNY HANNA!" and then I left because the bell just rang. AHAH. I'm sucha loser.

OH and i went to Knott's scary farm with EmilyHwang, CharleenDu, AndreaDeLeon, and DanaUrcia on Friday night. It was super fun! (: So this was a random post. (: time to go and finish laundryy.(:

I wanna fix things.

So. I think it's been long enough. I wanna fix this. I really truly do. I think I'm ready to talk it out, I think I'm ready to go back to how it used to be. I don't want to be awkward around her anymore. I don't want to constantly go into tears whenever the subject is brought up with someone else. I really want to fix things. And I'm going to try. (:

Like, really, what happens if you and one of your "best friends" were so good together and then things got weird after certain things happened? What if you and her used to be able to go to each others houses for the whole weekend, and never change out of your pajamas, and eat everything in the kitchen? What if you could sit there and watch TV without feeling the need to talk? What if you could gab on the phone about guys and school and friends forever? What if she's the one you told when those guys popped into your life? What if she stood by and let them spend time with you, instead of being a jealous friend? What if she was there for you to walk around and talk for hours whenever you needed to rant? What if it was hard to talk about super serious stuff, but you still felt so utterly comfortable with her? I miss this. I miss knowing that if I want to wear my glasses, sweats, and have crazy hair I can go to her and still be loved. I miss having crazy play dates where we fight and are rolling on the floor and we're so mean to each other, but we have so much fun anyways. I miss you. <3

I still remember that time. Someone was gone, and I was feeling so down and PMSy. But you didn't really know what was happening. And then in science class I was next to Charleen, and I was trying to explain what was wrong. And I broke down and I started crying. Tears coming down my cheeks crying. So I put my head on my arms on the desk, and Charleen was trying so hard to comfort me. You saw me when you came in, you ran over, and you just hugged me. You said it'd be okay. And I heard you already start to make threats. "What happened, Charleen?" "Did anyone say anything to her?" "He'll be back soon, if not, he's in trouble." And I loved you for it, though you probably don't know that. Then I rubbed my eye and my contact got stuck in my eyelid. So I had to run around the whole school with poofy red teary eyes finding contact solution. How embarrassing. x)

I want it back. I want the friendship back, even if it's not fully the same as before. Even without the title, I'd want that. But I'd give so much for the OLD friendship back, before any problems started happening. I want to figure out with her what went wrong, I want to figure out how to fix things, and I want to be able to talk to her again. I hope I can do it. I hope she wants to do it. I mean, it took me this long to really miss it, so I wonder how long it'll take her.

But, besides this breakthrough (and it is happy at least for me, because now I'm allowing myself to remember how things used to be and allowing myself to want them back), my day was pretty okay. I got a good grade on bio test, I think I have a low B in history, and I have an A in bio. Except I think she gave me the wrong percent, and it's supposed to be higher. Volleyball sorta pissed me off. LIke tomorrow, on EARLY RELEASE day, I have to stay at practice till freaking 3:30. So I can't go play with anyone or go buy food. ): And Coach Debbie was way annoying today. But whatever. Tomorrow's a new day. Or. Today. I guess. Dang how confusing. This was a blog for October 13, kay? But yeah. I hope tomorrow's good despite volleyball. (:

And yeah, I still think you're cute. x)

random. x)

So, that last post was probably most likely not about you. AHAHA. ;D I know who reads this and who can't/doesn't. So it wasn't you. Not that you'd think it was you. AHAH i'm not conceited! But yeah. I keep getting mad my schedule got changed so that I'm in no classes with that person now. ahahah. x) it's okaay. I'm still relatively happy. I think.

The thing is, I'm reading other people's blogs, and they're so serious and stuff. And I keep getting tempted to write non-happy stuff. So. I think I'll write serious stuff sometimes, just not relating to me personally, but a more general type of thing.

I am screwed for spanish and bio tomorrow. Dang. last week was like my ultimate studying week. and I like, burned out. Already. >.< How sad.

But. I got a new laptop!! with a webcam and uber good graphics and yeah it's cool. Let's video chat, yeah? :D i don't even know who has webcams thoughh. and i'm already tired. so I shall go to sleep. I think. because i have to go to school early tomorrow because i left my stupid coloring sheet for bio at school. ): ADIOS. =D

THANK YOU(:

You made me smile about a GAZILLION times today, and you don't even know it. (: Which is good. This is fun. I think I read wayy too much into the things you do, but OHWELL. Thank you for always waving back when I say hi, and always saying you'll try to go, and for being you. (: HEHE. You better not read this. NOT that you would know it was you. Because I try to not make anything obvious. AHAH. Yeah right. But, if you paid attention, you'd notice things. And if you don't pay attention, that's fine. Like I said, this is fun. x) AHAH. I thought about it, and I seriously can't stop smiling. (: But I'm just uber happy today for some reason. (:

"What do YOU want, Marissa?" AHAH Emily Hwang, youu crazyy girl. (: Yay. I'm so happy today. And I got inspired by Tyra Banks on ANTM! ahah. she said this wonderful thing, and it inspirized me. (: We won the last two games we've had, and we played well. I got four kills on Tuesday from my hits. (: AND someone watched the game today. even though I didn't play that well. but whatever. and I really like my volleyball jacket. And I got a 5 on my Rosenburg quiz today, and I feel pretty good about Bio test. HAHA thank you Kevin for studying with me at night time forever! And yeah. I'm just in a happy mood.(:

<3

EmilyYang, ClaudineTalamayan, ChrisPlatt, SayoniSaha, & AliceZuo. Thank you so, so, so much. I have no idea what got into me that night, but I know you guys were there to help. (: (And that entry is going to hibernate in my drafts, because. I don't know. It's too much profanity for my liking, it's too deep into me, and it's something I'd want you to find out if you knew me super well. I don't know if that makes sense, but it is what it is.) But. THANK YOU.(: Lol. that deleted comment I got is making me UBER curios. x)

Hmm. So I've decided to refresh myself. I know in my mind, I'll keep thinking bad things, this-couldn't-get-worse things, and I'll keep thinking I could have such a better life. But I figured the only way I can stop my brain from working this way is to stop encouraging it. So, of course, I know not to let it build up, but I can find a more private vent, a more on-a-need-to-do basis. So only for when I can't find a different way to outlet my mind.

"always ready to cheer up someone else, even if you're feeling down. It's called selflessness." That was in Alice's blog. To Isabel. And I don't know. You, Isabel, and you, Alice, are inspiring me to be more like that. I guess sometimes I am, because most of the time people in real life don't know I'm sad, but I'll still be there to comfort them. But I want to be more like that. I just don't want to be viewed as a depressed crazy person. x) BUT. Isabel, Alice, Michele, everyone who could possibley read this (though they don't have a reason to) : I want to know you better. You've supported me here, but I haven't known you in real life. And it's probably mostly my fault. I suck at making new friends. x) And I say I will try, but I probably won't. So forgive me ahead of time. (: Just. I don't know where I'm getting at with this. I just want to be a better person. (: I want to be good with my mom and my brothers and dad and my friends. I want to help others out. I don't want people to worry about me. I want to be better and stronger. (: So that's my goal for this year. I'll find someone who I can tell everything to, but I won't pour it all out on you guys.(:

And I'll probably be hypocritical. I'll probably come back eventually with a moody crazy post, or I won't talk to you in person, or I'll be selfish. But at least I'm trying. Give me that much, yeah? I guess I'll go to sleep. And sorry if this makes NO sense at all, or if I'm being crazy for wanting to try to change. But yeah. I can't explain. x) So, goodnight(:

Light the Night <3

It's been a whilee, huh?

So. Yesterday night was Light the Night. It was fuun. I was (still am) sick, so I was sorta up & down. I hope I didn't offend anyone if you talked to me and I sorta just nodded or something. :O that was not my intention. Throughout the whole time, before and during and after the walk, I spent time with a lotta people, not just Megan or Dana or Hannah Joo or those people. Or I spent time alone too. ahahha. I also spent time with Joe&William&Josh. It was pretty fun. I dunno. I think I find myself starting to not fit in as well sometimes with the "typical people" that I used to always spend time with. But I still have fun with them. It's just weird. Like I spent a lot of time during the walk sorta aloneish. ahaha. but that's okay with me. it was still super fun. (oh. and. HAHA. tiffany liu is soo funny and random! i lovee her!)

And right when we finished, we got goody bags, and this thing dropped out of this guys bag. So I was near Isabel and I told her and i was about to get it but then she reached for it. and then it was so cute. because she gave it to him and said it was his, and he looked so confused but then he gave her this big amazing smile and then she started to leave and then he yelled out "Hey! Thanks!" and it was so touching. like. I dunno. I found it so wonderful.

The walk was touching. So many people there, all affected in their own individual way. There were toddlers who had posters for their mom who died, there were whole cheer squads there for someone on their team, and it was just, together-ing. x] There was this one part, and it was supposed to be a "moment of silence" part, and i was trying to read all the statistics and facts and look at the pictures, but this annoying rock band was playing music so loud and it was distracting. but i was walking alone during that part, and I almost cried, because it was so sad.

but yeeah. that was that. (: i think i have a shin splint. ): it hurts a loot. and we have a game on tuesday! alsoo, yesterday my voice was totally disappearing, and it's getting a little bit better now. I feel less sick. If i get totally better on my own, that's the first time it's ever happened in a super long time. because i almost always go to the doctor right when i get a little bit sick.

ohh. like about the not fitting in as much thing. i noticed i started doing this, but i didn't know anyone else did. but apparently i've turned down a lot of offers to go play with people. and people have asked me why i don't play as much anymore. and it's partially because my mom has gotten super mad about it more than once since the summer started, and it's partially because none of them get my mom. none of them believe me that she actually cares that i get home by a certain time, or that i don't change plans last minute, or that i stay home to do chores. they all think i'm making up excuses to not hang out. or they all think i'm exaggerating and my mom will ease up in like a day. and none of them know how hard it is to keep her happy. and part of it is i'd rather not hang out with them. lip sync practices were so fun. but the ones with the guys and the girls were the funnest. because there were so many people there i wouldn't normally talk to. and they were so crazy and believable and easy to be myself around. besides the practices, i've only been to one person's house, and only once, and it was to "study" for history, since before september. and for me, that's unusual. buut oh well. and this one person, she's the one i feel the most comfortable around, out of my supposed "close friends." because i don't try around her, and i trust her, and she trusts me, and we don't have any awkwardness at all, that i can sense. but yeah. this little thing went no where. but i just had to get it out because i wrote the rest of the post and then remembered this part. so sorry it's so random. x)

kay. it's getting late and i still have work to do. time to get ready for another mondaay. ):

you say hello, i say goodbye.(:

2012! Third place babyy! Congrats everyone who participated! (: Thank you SOOOO much to cabinet and to AmritaDoshi&AngelChoi&SagarK. Us four are competitions, and Angel was IN CHARGE of this! (: most people don't know either of those facts, but that's fine. we still placeed. and YAY for seniors who won first place. I love you, Adrian!

So, my day was okay up till sixth period. FREAKING schedule change. -__- now i have rosenburg instead of collins. ): i almost cried. or yelled. or both. and then when miss collins gave me a hug at the end of class i got even sadder. and (if you don't know my train of thinking, this will confuse you like heck) these two classes that got switched; i had certain people in the classes that it was my ONly class with them. and it was my only chance to talk to those certain people. but i'll get over myself. i guess i'll try to like rosenburg. -_- fourth & fifth periods are gonna be hell. 4th spanish 3 with no one i know (DON'T try to tell me it's my fault for being in that class. i had NO choice. i've heard it before) and then 5th period with rosenburg right before lunchh. ):

But then savanna was freaking easyy. the second game thing, i was the first server, and i got 11 straight points because they were so bad they couldn't get the ball over. like, come on, sure, we're whitney kids. but we don't suck like crap. you could at least TRY to compete with us.

theen a buncha lipsync people got ready at my house (which smells good according to michelle) (: that was fuun. jessica totally knocked out on my couch and we were all tired. but we cut shirts and watched people curl eyelashes and ate chicken tenders super fast and made a mess. fun stuff. (:

buuut. on the off-note. for once, i'm almost always feeling normal around people. not fake and not super extra happy or peppy, and not super flirty, and not super bitchy. i feel like i'm being somewhat myself, whoever that is. i don't question whether i'm faking it or i'm pretending lately. it feels good to go up to someone and talk to them or play with them or yell around them, and not be self-concious as to what they'll think of you. Now, only to find someone to talk to about everythingg. x)

I never thought that I had any more to give <3

Music, once again, is my main escape.(: I love it.

The fact is, I know life is crazy and has its many up's&down's and that I'm bound to go through so much, good and bad, and I know not everyone is going to like me, and I know that I'm going to fight with people. I know that no matter how much you want that fairytale story, it's most likely not possible. There's just this thing. It seems like, the more you go through, the more you get hurt emotionally and physically, the more you come to learn yourself as a person and what you can handle, the more you seem to grow and stand out and learn to protect yourself. A person is so much more vulnerable if they've never been hurt. So much more fragile if they don't know what their limits are. A person is so much more naive if they haven't been through much in their life.

Sure, I know I'm still naive also. I haven't been through shit compared to some people. Through your eyes, I might seem to have an almost perfect life. But I, and I alone, know what goes on in my head, in my house, in my family. And I know that by your standards of my supposed life, the life you're exposed to, the parts that you see, things do go wrong. Things do get crappy. I do get mad. I do cry. My family does fight. I do stay in my room and tune out my parents and my brother yelling at each other. I do have people I'd want to call if I'm crying my eyes out and just need someone to be there for me. I do cry myself to sleep at night and I do spend time out just to avoid being home. I also know things weren't like this before. Things used to be fine. I used to think I had such a perfect happy life.

Then some things happened to my mom, to me, to my dad, to everyone, and we went through stuff we didn't know how to handle together as a family unit. So we fell apart. There are times when we seem like we're glued back together, almost as perfect, with just a few flaws here and there, and I want to cry with happiness. But then one of those flaws, it gets jabbed at and poked, and there we go again. Crumbling away into a dark, scary space. It's not even enclosed. We fall further and further apart, all the pieces flying and all the glue melting away. And there I am, feeling lost all over again. It just gets too much to handle sometimes.

And now Danny's gone. He can leave. He can be safe and happy in Connecticut. He can remain close to all of us over the phone, with no chances of my parents getting mad at him. He's not here anymore, for me to rant to about our parents or about Adrian. He's not here to make all those things a joking, laughing matter. And I was mad the night before he left. I was so mad at my mom, and I ran upstairs after i got home about to cry, and all I said was hi to him. He told me to look on my desk, and i found a pair of earrings. I barely could say thank you, I was choking up. That night, I think I cried all night, even in my sleep. I was thinking about my whole family and what happened to it. Then he woke me up at around 4:30 and said he was leaving. So I said bye. And he was gone. Just like that. It's just hard, that's all. It's one of the first times I've really missed him, and I don't even know why.

My family. It can't even go through one dinner at a restaurant for a special occasion without getting annoyed at each other. It's sort of like, I know we're meant for each other so we can fight and scream and yell, and know we'll still love each other. But when you doubt that you'll still love each other, doesn't that defeat the purpose of the family? You're supposed to trust them, to treasure them, to hold them dear to your heart. You're supposed to tell them what's happening in your life, they're there for you to hold you when you cry, or to be happy for you when you succeed in something. So what happens when you can't tell them much, when you'd rather be other places all the time, when you can't let them see you cry, and you still feel sad when you've succeeded in something, and you can tell they're trying so hard to be happy? It just doesn't seem right.

Go ahead. Tell me everyone's families are like that. Tell me things will get better. Tell me I'll be fine. Tell me to put on a smile and pretend I've got all I want. Tell me to be someone I'm not, to believe in things that might not be true. Tell me to accept my family as it is, and to trust that you do too. Tell me you love your family like you should, even with the fights and the punishments and the anger. How many of those things can you tell me truthfully? That everyone's families are like that. That's about it. And that's the worst of them all. Shouldn't we be better at being families by now? It seems like we have too much of everything else. Too much of friends, too much of going out, too much technology, too many things to get mad about, too many things to be protected from. Too little of focusing on what your brother or sister did in school today, on what your dad did at work today, at how good your mom's food tastes this night. Too little communication, too much putting on a show for everyone else to see. Too little of being real and genuine towards each other. I want to love my family, truthfully, for their good and bad qualities, I want them to know I'd be no one without them. I want everyone to love their families with their whole hearts. But that's sort of a lot to ask for huh? Which is so, so wrong.

Done. With this rant/post/insight/whatever you want to call it. I'm sorry if you read this. I just finally got on a roll with it. And there's so much I've needed to say, and this isn't even half of it. But at least I got this out. If you skipped here, that's fine.(: I've realized my trains of thoughts are really hard to follow anyways. So this might be majorly confusing. But if you did read it, thanks for bearing with me.(:

"Are you gonna be like him too?!"

You don't know that I try so hard to be what you want me to be. And yet it still doesn't please you.

I'm closing up. I can't do this anymore. I don't know what's happening. Why can't everything go back to how they were when everyone was happy? I'd give anything for that. I'm losing myself. I can't even tell people how I feel. I don't even know who I could tell. I want to not have to hide it when I cry. I want my safe, happy, cozy life back.

Palm Springs! (:

So. It's been a while huh? Well. Basically. My life has been pretty normal. On thursday, I had soccer practice again. -__- SO tiring. ): and then on Friday, I went to see House Bunny with Megan and Jessica and Dana. It was suchhh a funny movie. and it's not too naughty either. so go see it! (: Then I went home and I showered and some other stuff then I packed for Westin Villas in Palm Springs with Megan, Jess, and Dana. My whole weekend was filled with them. ahaha. So I left on Saturday morning. Freakingg. That morning, I got soo annoyed with my parents. Like I was so close to tears the whole morning. Like when I went to go say bye to Adrian&Danny I was tearing up. -_- ahah all because of my parentals.

BUT. the car ride there was fun and we went to Cabazon outlets and i bought a tshirt, volleyball shorts, and a pair of denim shorts because i only have one pair of shorts. ahah. then we went to inandout and ate, then we arrived at WEstin. It was SOO pretty. and we went straight to the pool. ahaha. THERE ARE SOOO MANY FREAKING HOT GUYS THERE! AHAH. there really are though. megan&me were freaking boy crazy i thinkk. dana and jessica weren't so bad. So like, right when we first got into the pool we saw this super cute guy and he was a lifeguard! and he was working the slide on saturday and sunday so we kept going on the slide. ahah. we saw some more cute guys too. and we played volleyball in the water and a buncha fun stuff. we ate a looot too. OH and we made tiedye tshirts and also beaded bracelets! ahaha. it was soo fun. Then today morning we went to the pool to see the cute guy one last time, but he wasn't there. ): we think he only works weekends. ahahah. So overall, the trip was uber fun. (: Tomorrow, me and megan are wearing our tiedye shirts to volleyball. (: ahah. And we ate Ruby's burgers on the way home. those were super good.

But noww, i'm so tired. and i need to unpack and stuff. soo bye! (: ahah.

Garage sale.. How much is that? $3?! No way. I give you $1!

c/o2012 Garage/Yard/Driveway sale today! It went pretty well actually! (: ahah. we sucked at setting prices at first. and we kept getting pushed over. but we got better. People who attended: me, Emily Hwang, Emily Liang, MichelleChang, AliceZuo, AngelChoi, JessicaPark, HannaWoo, JosephPang, RenzLo, WilliamLuo, AfrazKhan, aaand SagarKamnani(spelling?). Pretty good turn-out. (: Two non-ICers. but I doubt they felt too left out. we were all having fun together. the first hour and a half was like torture because we got like three people and we were all still so tired. but then we got like three BURSTS of like a lot of people who bought a lot, and then it quieted down again. btw, i'm good at bargaining. haha. so like after we stopped getting too many people, we all sat in a circle and talked and played games and stuff. we got pizza to eat, so we ate and we played Indian Princess. It was really fun. We bonded a lot. x] ahah i already feel closer to IC. And none of us (at least the girls) really wanted to go home. (: So. There was money made, good talks, and fun games. Seemed like a good day to me! (:

annnd i'm starting to get less confused. but there's one thing that's bugging me a lot. but whatever. I'll stop thinking about it and hopefully i'll get over it.

a litte bit longer, and I'll be fine. (:

Heh. If you were (un)lucky enough to read the post that was previously here, then you know which one I'm talking about when I say it's just a draft now. To me, it felt like too much. Too much for anyone to need to know about me or about what's going on with me, too much information that probably seemed useless to anyone who did happen to read it. So. It's gone. Poof. Just like that. Magic. x]

I went to Palm Springs with my family and Kelsea this weekend, and it was fun. (: we took lotsa pictures. haha. And I've had volleyball. That's been okay I guess. I might be getting better but I don't really know. I just know that my thighs are getting muscle-y and it sometimes hurts when I sneeze because my tummy's sore from jumping. ahah. but I'm looking forward to become closer with all the frosh-soph people, like Michelle and Stephanie and Erika and the sophomores. Not Ingrid, though, because she's JV! (: Seriously, did anyone ever think that you could get out of breath from just jumping?

And the countdown of days till school starts is quickly getting smaller and smaller. I don't really know if I want school to start. I'm already getting up early and doing stuff other than TV and computer, and I wanna see my friends more often. But I'm scared of the teachers I'm getting because I have a lot of opportunities for teachers I don't really like. But I'll just deal with them. As long as this is a fun year. I mean, new students, new teachers and classes, new friends, new lunch spots, new groups, sports, being in IC as competitions. It's a lot of stuff to look forward to. (: Hopefully things I'm dealing with will work out before school starts, and then it's be a great year. (:

I wanna dye my hair. x] Reddish, like Tibby's in The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2. It's a really pretty color. Lol see. A not deep and not serious post. (:

When the world is crazy. Moving. Beautiful. Horrific. Amazing. Laughing. Smiling. Talking. Dancing. Singing. Sleeping. Jumping. Fast. Confusing. Scary. Dark. Bright. Depressing. Loving. Hateful. Ugly. Terrible. Exciting. Then where does that leave you? A single living being, with nothing but his own feelings and capacity to love. With nothing but his own strong will to be noticed, to be a part of something bigger. How does a single person get noticed by anything, anyone? If this world is spinning by him, not caring what he has to offer, how can he stand up and shout at the world? He can he tell them he's something special, something worth listening to? How can he get anyone to take the time of day to listen. Even just for a few minutes. That's enough to be heard. But in this fast-paced world, everyone's too busy trying to get their own selves heard and out there. So. When the world comes crashing down, harder and faster than anyone is ready for, what's gonna happen? Are people going to forget themselves to help others? Or will they prove to everything that they really, truly are those selfish beings, those unkind souls, that they mostly portray themselves as? But then again, with everyone so caught up in their own business, how can a single person, no matter how good he truly is, expect someone else to help them? How can that one person expect their help to other to even be noticed. Maybe, in this world of joy and tears and sadness and anger, if enough people took the time to stop and listen. To stop and help someone else out. Then maybe, just maybe, we'll be on our way to becoming better people. Stronger people. More open people. People who don't have to put on a smile and say they're totally fine, with no cares at all in the world. Maybe once the hearts of every person start to melt just a tiny bit, then maybe we'll become more understanding and even more loving. Just maybe.

i am successful! (:

BREAKING DAWWWWN <3>

"A frantic pounding, a racing beat... A changing heart." <3

absolutely no doubt one of my favorite quotes from the wholeee entire book. it sorta sucks because all the other ones involve bella and edward, not bella and jacob. but whateveer. (:

I'm off to go to sleep now. i've been sleep deprived this whole weekend. and i need to adjust my attitude, according to my mom. -_- NIGHT!

Breaking Dawn. <3

4 comments?! I was like, "woah! That's the most I've ever gotten in one post!" so thanks. (: It was the ants, wasn't it? i bet it was the ants. Everyone loves hearing about the lives of ants. x) Oh and the quince and vacation subjects can wait. because right now i'm just eager to go read. so this should be short and simple. (:

I went to Borders tonight for a release party of BREAKING DAWN! (: and I got my haircut. More layers and thinned out. it's hardly noticeable, but it styles really prettily messy. and i like it. (: so at Borders, alice, archie, tiffany liu, angel, noel, hanna woo, and kelsea where there. Jessica was there for a little bit but not that long. it was basically a boringish night besides the pictures and all the poeople going crazy over if Jacob or Edward was better (JACOB OF COURSE!! (:)[<--woah it's like a double smiley face]. so it was an okay time. and i got to read random parts of all these books because of the boredom. I FINALLY got Breaking Dawn at like 12:40 am. and it looks so BEAUTIFUL! (: there's a book 2 entitled JACOB. see!! and i bet the back cover of it is about him. x) seriously. Stephenie meyer's choice of words is so wonderful. i want to be able to write like her, to make my readers (psh. which ones?) feel emotions like she does. but yeaah. freaking ARCHIE and KELSEA were like ruining the book for me. So i gotta go read it before they ruin it moree. I think i'm gonna stay up late tonight. ahhah. so I'm off to go read. (:

and thanks for the 4 comments again. (: but i really don't see any of anything i write as beautiful. ahah. happy august 2nd. (: (can you tell i'm in a good mood? i put like fifty bazillion smiley faces in this post.) x)

smile like you mean it.

So, already, I have a feeling this will be a veryyy random post. (: so first off, i just killed an ant. and i feel sorta bad. because first i accidentally squished one of its legs, and it kept going. It just kept going, trying to get away from me. and it made me wonder. How much do ants really find their lives worth living? Seriously, no one cares about them. Yet, ants work hard to have a place to live and they all work together. And they seem to get along much better than real humans. I mean, ants will go back to pick up a dead ant's body even while they're in danger of being killed. How many people can you find that will willingly do that? and like, what if there was some greater thing that just decided randomly to squish our legs or are heads or just kill us in general. and they thought we didn't care? what if this greater thing didn't even care that they were hurting us? then, you know what? they'd be just like us. Because we kill ants and bugs and even dogs and cats and pandas and stuff all the time, even if we're not trying. but i still can't give up meat, sorry. x)

and you know. my doggy ran outside like ten minutes ago. and my parents didn't do a single thing about it. they just sat on the freaking bench in front of our house. -_- i know my dog would just run away if i tried to go get him, so i had to call adrian down to help me get him. and like, every single freaking time he runs outside, i tear up. because i don't want him to run away or get run over or get stolen or die for something as stupid as my parents leaving the front door open. and they freaking always threaten to give him away if i don't do something to their liking. Like seriously, take anything else away, just not my dog. my living, breathing, loving dog. that's like telling a parent you're going to take their child away if they don't keep the kid clean. -_- stupid huh? and i know it's not really to that degree, since frosty's a dog. but i've had him five years almost. i can't just give him away like it's no big deal. and it kills me because i KNOWW my parents like frosty, a lot! and so do adrian and danny. but when it comes to finding some way to get me to do stuff, they always do this. they're threatening to give away something they love just to make me their perfect child who's obedient. (and i know it seems i'm being melodramatic, and i'm sorry.)

also. i've realized that i sorta do post a lotta like. not happy stuff. and stuff that doesn't sound like me. But i think it's because this is my outlet. i can be myself in a way that i can't be around people i know. and i know only a few people will read it, and it's much faster than writing in a journal. and my journal does have its fair share of not so happy topics. x) and like, this is comforting to me. something about being able to tell the world everything, yet have so few people actually know, it's sorta a cool feeling. and it really helps me out. this blog, and my journal, and once in a while ranting on the phone to a few trusted friends for a few hours really does help keep me sane. (:

and recently, i also noticed i'm much more readable than i thought. at least to some people. there are these people, two in particular (not the two you would think), and one just recently, that always notice when i'm sort of down or sad or in a very deep-thinking mood. and they ask me. they actually ask me! what's wrong with me and if i wanna talk about anything. and they don't give up on me that easily. sure, they still let me go without me actually saying anything important, but at least they try. (: and it's reassuring. and also, this other person, i've opened up to a lot. and i haven't talked to that person in a while, but she's one of the few people who was actually able to make me like tear up and tell about all this stuff. and that was really nice too. (: ahah by the end of this summer, i'll have ranted myself out and told everyone enough about my life that i'll be so opened up to people by the time school starts. ahaha. so sorry if i randomly go up to you and tell you that the day before my life sucked. x) it's possible.

seee. this is a relatively happy post, right? BREAKING DAWN freaking comes out tomorroww! i'm going to the border's pre-release party, and gonna get the book from sam's club probably. then kelsea's gonna sleep over since it ends late, and i bet we're just gonna read the whole time. we're not gonna talk or anything. ahah. and reading is another outlet for me too. (: i wish i could have a cool outlet like drawing or something though. but nope. i can't draw if my life depended on it. x) ahah. but yeaah. reading is amazing to me. so if you are ever in need of a gift for me, give me a Borders gift card. (:

ohhh next time. i needa tell about my off-and-on quince and alsoo palm spring(s) vacation(s). (: just a reminder to myself. seee. this wasn't such a deep post, huh?

Heh. Weird mood again.

So what happens when someone in your life feels like they just screwed themselves over? What happens when you want to say it's not true, but know you'll be lying, and when they can't even bring themselves to care anymore? What happens when you've never done anything but look up to that person, and they've tried so hard to do things right, so that you don't end up screwed up also? Then, after them realizing they've done all this crappy stuff, they still try so hard to keep you happy and keep you part of their life. It's just weird. When they tell you there's nothing more they can do in their lives to disappoint anyone, that they're already as low as they can get. What happens then??

It's a curious thing, this unit of people we call our family. Our immediate family. They're the ones you hate and scream at and despise and fight and envy and compete with all your life. Yet you can still bring yourselves to love them. But there are just certain things. They happen, and you can't even bring yourself to tell your family members. Then, if you can't tell them, who can you tell? And what if it's something that happens within your family? Who can you tell then? No one wants to make it seem like their family is insane or let anyone else know what their families' problems are. No one does, right? But really, no one does have a perfect family. So at the same time, if you do find some person that will listen to you and who can relate to you, you don't want to over-exaggerate things and make it seem like everything is horrible and you can't go on living with these people, because truthfully, you can.

No one, especially me, wants to make it seem like they fight so hard every day to keep that smile on their face, that answer of, "Yeah, OF COURSE everything's fine!" ready to tell anyone who cares enough to ask. No one wants to tell people the stupid things that happen that make you sit in your room wondering who you care enough about more, wondering who you're willing to defend. And then you end up not defending anyone. No one wants to tell people they fight within themselves to decide whether to actually listen to the screaming or to totally block it all out.

And I want so badly to be able to truthfully answer someone for once. When they ask me. And they know for a fact as if it were in a history book, that I am not okay, that something's going on with me. I want to tell them everything that's ever happened in my life that made me how I am right now. Starting from that one thing. I want them not to give up on me, not to walk away knowing that I'm lying and that I'm not okay. I want to be able to tell someone, without the fear of everyone finding out, or being laughed at, or being told that nothing's really wrong, that it's all normal. But I can't.

Mostly, I want to be able to cry about anything and everything. Not hold it in, even in front of my own parents and brothers. I don't want to this one person in my life to hurt themselves trying to protect me from the real world, where people do fight and get mad and cry and yell. But usually, it seems easier just not to talk to any of them. So I guess that's what I'm doing.

But, again, don't go thinking my life totally got ruined today, or anyone else's for that matter. I just find that I think about this stuff a lot, and it's much easier to let it out on here or in a journal then to a person and much MUCH easier than keeping it to myself. My family isn't totally and utterly damaged, but it isn't perfect either. I just want to get that out there. And this is MY truth. I'll tell people otherwise, and then I'll confuse myself about everything, and my family and my friends will say differently about my life. But this is all me. And I'm not turning depressed, I just need to get this out sometime, so why not now? But next time you see me, don't worry. I'll probably be smiling, or at least not as sad as you would think I am for writing this. Like, right now, I could call a friend and be happy, because I'm not down right now. I think I'm just PMS-ing. x) Just thought I'd clarify that, because I don't want everyone thinking I'm going crazy. Mkay?? (:

Clueless.?

Well, the past two weeks have been fun. (: Me and Megan spent like all the time together. We had summer school, and Dana would be with us, then after we'd stay at school till 12:45 and we'd learn from Mr. Tseng or just talk or play cards or something. Then my brother would take us to Cerritos College for volleyball camp. Which was bad. -_- but whatever. We met fun people and had some random really fun days playing there. And it gave me a reason to see at least Megan.

Yesterday, I was with her like the wholeee day. x) haha. We went to town center after volleyball and we ate fries and bought movie tickets. Charleen, Stephanie, me, and Megan were seeing Dark Knight at 4:10. But Charleen & Steph didn't get there till 4:20 because they had basketball practice, and had to run to town center. Haha. But it was really fun. Me and Megan laughed about so many random things. Like, at Great Steak or whatever it's called, I wanted to put the ketchup in the little cup thingie, and she was holding it, and i pushed the handle thing, and it all spurted out all over her hand. haha. the guy behind the counter thought we were crazy. And I thought i saw Hanna woo, so i ran out of the restaurant, but i pulled instead of pushed the door, so i started laughing and when i got outside i fell down because i was laughing so hard. Hahah. And also, our mommy and me date! When me and her were getting out of the car, Mrs. Machado was like, "Megan, you and me are gonna see Mamma Mia together!" So i was like "Ooh! We can have a MOMMY-AND-ME date!!" and Megan started laughing so hard. And throughout the day she kept thinking about it, but I didn't even think it was that funny.

but yeah. After the movie, Megan, Charleen, and Stephanie and me were talking and stuff. And when stephanie left, we got food and kept talking about random things. We had very moody conversations, like we'd talk about something super serious, then all of a sudden bring up like an inside joke. haha. But yeah. It made me realize certain things, and wonder about the friendship(s) I have made, and how I could or should do something to make them better. but I just don't know how. And these people are changing. At least some of them are. And I know other people notice these things I'm talking about. But I don't wanna go and tell everyone what I'm thinking about, because then that just makes it all public and stuff. But, either way, I'm still happy right now. (: so don't worry about anything. (:

So. Sean's back. Just till....Saturday? But I wanna see him. And I know I can't on Friday or Saturday. And I might on Monday, but it might be only for a couple hours, because I have soccer practice at 3:30 and IC (possibly) meeting at 3. And I already ditched soccer yesterday, so i don't know which one i'll go to. Or if I'll just stay with Akshay and them. But yeah. People think it's weird that I do wanna see him and talk to him. But the last two times I had chances to, I just said hi, because it was super awkward. Because of the, ahem, situations. x| But I do. I thought about it for so long last night, since he came back today. I stayed up so late, wondering how I felt last year, how I feel now, and things like that. So I know with no doubt that I do want to see him. Hopefully I will more than once. Because who knows when he'll be back again.

And tomorrow, Adrian's having a barbeque for his dragonboating team, and there'll be like 20 people. Meaning, it's either gonna be REALLY fun or REALLY boring for me. So he said I can invite a couple of my own friends. So hopefully they can come. Or else I'll just get to know the older kids. Or just be on my computer the whole time.

But yeahh. A sorta random post. x) I'm gonna go and finish summer school homework, play Sims 2 for a little bit, then go to the mall with my mommy to meet Megan and her mom there, to watch Mamma Mia together. (: I'm not eating popcorn this time! x) Byee!

Alex from Phantom Planet & Ryan from OneRepublic = perfect lovers x)

So yeap, the concert was amazingly awesome! And the OC Fair was really fun with Jessica and Dana too. Although we had like three hours of boredom, the rest was fun. Like all the rides. Except for after we went on this one ride, Dana and me got super dizzy, and I got better but she was sick for like thirty minutes. ahha. She kept going like, "Are we gonna eat yet? I think it'll make me feel better. Come on, let's eat. Okay! I'm hungry!" ahaha. and so we finally ate burgers. Later on, we ate ice cream alsoo.

Jessica spent all her money on tickets so she couldn't buy a shirt or anything. But me and Dana both bought shirts. MINE'S CUTER. Don't tell her. x) I spent freaking $80 and she spent $70 and Jessica spent $60. haha.

Jessica made us BEAUTIFUL shirts. SEEE ---->
ahahha wonderful huh? They took her likee, almost two hours. And she didn't eat her pancakes because she was too busy making these.

Yeah. Us three made chocolate batter pancakes in the morning. At like, 8:45. Supposed to be 8:00 a.m. but Jessica woke up too late and was Dana's ride. ahaha. At least I got to sleep in! (:

Oh dang. I just realized I spent like, $100! Because I bought this spray-paint picture made by this guy who has the same name as my daddy. He's freaking amazing! So us three and Adrian and Natalie (she went to the concert too) felt bad for him, and they were nice, so me & Adrian bought pictures. Come over. I'll show you it. (:

Man. It was a fun day, for sure. (: The music was good, and us three had some major bonding time. Seriously. On our way home, Dana and me fell asleep with our heads on Jessica, and I think she fell asleep too. MAJOR bonding. ;) Haha. We also had a lot of talking, about [previous] boys, [future] boys, what we'll be like as seniors, who's gonna be the ultimate saint, and who's not. About some older people and what they've done with their lives. But yeah. It was for sure fun. (:

So, I'm thinking you're bored and just skipped to this paragraph. Because, honestly, who wants to read me talk about my days? But yeaah. This is a crazy, random, and sorta long post. So I'll leave you be. (: Btw, I'm supposed to be installing a TiVo in my parents' room, but I have no idea how. x) ADIOS!

Please excuse my mood. x)

It's been a long time, huh? I suppose I could explain everything that's happened since Social. But, honestly, I wouldn't want to. Too much stuff has happened since then. Basically, it's a matter of whether you're involved in my life or not. If you are, and that is, involved enough, then you'd know what's happened. And, don't worry yourself. It's not like super bad things have happened. Just things that I'd rather not go into detail to with the whole freaking world. Some amazing things have happened, and some not so amazing. Some things have happened that I still have no idea how I feel about them. There are some things that made me wonder how much I really, truly knew about a person. But, as most people would say, these are all experiences of life. And, I guess, everyone is bound to go through them, and so in a way, I'm happy that I've already gone through them. Of course, don't go and think I'm some super depressed person now, or that I'm some super crazy happy person, or a totally changed person, or someone who thinks she's been through everything. Because I'm not anybody like that. Truthfully, I don't know who I am yet. And I don't know how I feel about how I've handled my life these past two years. But I know I'm looking forward to next year, and that I'm going to try my hardest not to regret anything I've done in these two years, or anything that I will do. I don't know. This might make you wonder what the heck I'm talking about, might make you more confused as to how you think I am, it is probably gonna make me confused too. This might have revealed nothing at all to you, and it might have given you the world through my eyes. I really don't know what it did. But it was my chance to tell somebody everything, yet tell them nothing at all. And, just for your information, I'm not usually this weird or mysterious or whatever you want to call it, I'm just sorta in that mood today. But, sometime soon, I'll tell you about the OneRepublic concert I went to yesterday. :]

I ♥ NY! :]

Well first of all, THANK YOU to everyone absolutely possible that helped make this night wondeful for me! That means if you danced with me at all and didn't do anything else to help out with decorations, thank you also. :]

Social was AMAZINGLY awesome. And so was the after party. ;] Sorry if I got crazy at school before people came over. My parents, surprisingly, were fine with that many people over, but I was scared it was gonna go badly. Besides the fact that I was dead tired, nothing went badly yesterday. :] I'm only sad that I didn't take pictures at Say Cheese with anyone! But oh well. At least I took some pictures on my camera. Except for with one very important person. OH WELL. :]

So.. did you guys like my hair? HAHA. The curls are still in, and I don't want to wash them off, but we sprayed so much hairspray on it, so I guess I should wash it. Yesterday someone told me that I smelled good at Social. Which was sorta odd, but good too because my mommy let me wear some perfume that I gave her for her birthday. And she also let me wear earrings that I gave her for Mother's Day. And she put my makeup on for me. :] I'm happy she had fun helping me, because we've been sorta moody towards each other lately. But we had fun yesterday getting ready.

I guess of everyone I wanted for last night, I got it all except for one thing. And that one thing, I'm not even sure I wanted. But at the same time, I KNOW from the bottom of my heart that I wanted it. Well, I can still get that one thing. Hopefully. x) I hope everyone had at least some fun, because we put 10+ hours into getting decorated and so many months into planning Social. I love you all, no matter if I yell at you or seem like I temporarily hate you. :] Everyone looked beautiful/handsome last night!

Yeah, so, now we get to look forward to Hell Week for International Day. Who's going today?

One more day! ♥

So there's one more day until Social! I'm pretty excited, but I'm so tired that it's sorta wiping out my excitedness. I feel like sleeping. But I don't think I'm gonna get to sleep early tonight because I need to do a lot of stuff, but I can't do anything really until after my parents and brother Danny get home from the airport and we go eat dinner. -_- It's freaking late to be eating dinner. So I probably won't be back till after 9, and then I still have to do homework and a large amount of other stuff. But on the brightside, I am getting my hair done tomorrow during lunch and 6th period, and I'm painting my own nails. x) Haha. I'm really excited. OH! And, Social Committees and maybe a few other people get to go to my house after we clean up tomorrow! Okaay, I just found out I'm not going out to dinner anymore. So, I'm gonna go do all the stuff I need to do. :] GO TO SOCIAL TOMORROW! [By the way, if you're planning on coming late, me and Dana are gonna be working the check-in from 6:45 to 7:15. x)]

Monday!

So it's Monday. Monday's are always pretty boring. They used to be especially bad because we used to run miles on Monday. But now, we run miles on Tuesdays. Which is, unfortunately, tomorrow. But that's okaay. I need to look strong for social. x)

Hmm. The more I look at my dress the more I like it. I'm getting super excited. Four more days! :] I have two pairs of shoes to choose from, and I might go get my nails down, and I might get my hair done. My mom really likes that I'm getting dressed up and stuff, because I usually really don't like getting dressed up for anything.

Today, my mommy and daddy took me to the orthodontist, and on our way home, my mommy asked why I hadn't gotten asked to Social yet. -_- hahaha. I was just like "Um, I don't know. Why don't you ask him?" But actually. I don't think I said that. Just in my head. x) And then my parentals told me that my first grade teacher (Mrs. Swaaley; she told us she had a twin sister from Ireland when we were in her class, and she came to visit us!) didn't really have a twin sister. I was like "Are you freaking kidding me?!" I've believed that that was really her twin sister for seven years! And it was just her. So yeah. That was the crazy highlight of my day.

Other than that, nothing really happened. Oh well. Tomorrow is short Tuesday schedule, with international day practice and Social decoration making. Hopefully something fun will happen. :]

Happy Mother's Day :]

Happy Mother's Day. :] And by the way, yesterday was Feliz Dia de las Madres. :]

Well. My mother was in a really bad mood for half of today, so therefore we went out to a VERY quiet lunch at Denny's. Then she got better and we went out to a much less awkward dinner at some Chinese restaurant. :] Other than that, my brothers and I got her roses and a necklace and earrings. And today, I basically ate and did homework all day. And I slept till 11 in the morning. :]

Tomorrow I have an Inner Council meeting and then after school I have to go to the orthodontist for a check up (it's been 6 months since I got my braces off!) and a cleaning. I hate getting my teeth cleaned. Especially because of that stupid fluoride stuff. One time I almost threw up from it. I really wanna stay at school to help out with making decorations for Social though because I'm scared we're not gonna be ready for it. My mommy said that I can take off the whole day of school if I want, so I can get ready! Except I wanna go to help set up. So I don't know what I'm doing yet. Danny is done with school on Tuesday, and he's coming back on Thursday night for one week. Then he's going back to Connecticut for his summer job. He's not even gonna see me all dressed up and prettied-up for Social, because he's going to Judy's graduation from USC. Oh well. I guess I just have to take LOTS of pictures on the day of Social. So get your smiles ready, dears, because I'm gonna have my camera with me the whole time. :]

And. I can't figure out how to leave you guys comments. So. Yeah. ahaha. I can only leave some people comments. But whatevs. You know. I hate ending entries. Like, to this and to journals and diaries and stuff. Because I feel like I SHOULD say goodbye or something, but at the same time, I'm saying goodbye to a computer or a book? So I always go like "Okay I have to go do this now" or something. I can't just leave it alone and go away. So. :] I have to go do laundry. Hahah. GO TO SOCIAL. :]

just a day, just an ordinary day♥

I love music. :] Especially the kind that you can relate to, or the kind that has amazingly wondeful lyrics. I can seriously sit and listen to music for endless amounts of time. Tell me some of your favorite songs.

International day practice today was pretty fun. We learned a lot, and it looks super cool when it's all put together and everyone does what they're supposed to do. After most people left, some of stayed and played together. We went pretty crazy. Seriously, to other people, we must have looked like some psychos. Which we're not. Obviously. :] I don't like the fact that I have to stand for more than a minute and a half with my arms over my head. Oh well. I guess it'll make it easier for me to give dirty looks to the other groups of people.

Once again, I'm excited for social. Super duper excited. It's gonna be pretty fun. Hopefully. So, go to it! Ticket sales end Wednesday, supposedly.

Hmm. So this whole get off the computer and turn off my phone at ten o'clock thing is making me go to bed early. Because I basically have nothing to do past ten, since watching tv is too loud that late at night. Last night, I went to sleep at 10:30. I never ever go to sleep that early usually. And I wanted to sleep until ten this morning, but I woke up at 8:30 since I had been asleep so long. But I guess this is good, so I can catch up on lost sleep. :]

Tomorrow, say happy mother's day to your mommy, or your aunts, or your grandma, or any female person in your life. It will make them happy. :] I probably get to eat somewhere yummy tomorrow. Yay.

Mkay. I have to go finish this script for a Spanish project that I've been working on for like, two hours. x)

Let's spend tonight on top of the world. ♥

Okay, so I've realized that I totally do not know anything about this blogging stuff. Myspace only took me about a day to figure out, but this is so much harder. x) So if anyone wants to help me out, go ahead and help me. Haha. I'd appreciate anything. :]

SOCIAL. Is one week from today. And I'm very excited. We've been planning this for a very long time, and it's finally coming. My mommy is being nice and is telling me she can take me out of school just to get my hair done. I'm just waiting to see if my brother or I mess up and she gets annoyed and takes back that offer. But if she doesn't, my hair's going to be very pretty next Friday. :] So go to Social (entitled I ♥ NY) to see what my hair and dress will look like. Lots of people are going as couples, and that's cute. Who wants to take pictures with me there? :]

So I've been reading the Twilight series again. And I think Jacob is so much better than Edward. And that book made me want to read Wuthering Heights. So I went to the library today and checked it out. I started reading the first page, but it's that type of book that you need to really concentrate on to understand. So I'm going to wait until I'm not half asleep to actually read it. :] Seriously man, Bella is treated so wonderfully by both Jacob and Edward. I just wish she'd fall in love with Jacob instead of Edward. Also. If you like reading, The Truth About Forever by Sarah Dessen is an amazingly awesome book. And I've read it at least three times. x) So go read it. After you read Twilight, of course.

Oh. I ate at California Pizza Kitchen for the first time tonight. It was pretty good. And my brother bought me a chocolate shake from In-n-Out but I wasn't home. So I told him to put it in the fridge, but he put in the freezer instead. So now it's like a Frosty from Wendy's. But I don't wanna drink it like that. So I'm waiting for it to turn into a regular shake. I wish it was cookies and cream instead. What's your favorite shake flavor? :]

Mkay. So, tell me if you can help me out with this, because I'm pretty confused. x) And Alice, I don't know how to leave you a comment. ahah I know, I'm a loser. :] Time to do other stuff on the computer before I have to leave at ten o'clock.

Hello Sunshine. :]

So. I got a blog. Because I've been wanting to for a while, but I never got around to it. And now I finally did.

Honestly. I don't know who will or will not read my blog. But it's for me, and anyone who does want to read about my life... well that's their choice. :]

And I'd really LOVE to make a long post, but I have to get off the computer in the next 5 minutes or I'll be in big trouble. So, I'll talk sometime soon. :]