"Are you gonna be like him too?!"

You don't know that I try so hard to be what you want me to be. And yet it still doesn't please you.

I'm closing up. I can't do this anymore. I don't know what's happening. Why can't everything go back to how they were when everyone was happy? I'd give anything for that. I'm losing myself. I can't even tell people how I feel. I don't even know who I could tell. I want to not have to hide it when I cry. I want my safe, happy, cozy life back.

Palm Springs! (:

So. It's been a while huh? Well. Basically. My life has been pretty normal. On thursday, I had soccer practice again. -__- SO tiring. ): and then on Friday, I went to see House Bunny with Megan and Jessica and Dana. It was suchhh a funny movie. and it's not too naughty either. so go see it! (: Then I went home and I showered and some other stuff then I packed for Westin Villas in Palm Springs with Megan, Jess, and Dana. My whole weekend was filled with them. ahaha. So I left on Saturday morning. Freakingg. That morning, I got soo annoyed with my parents. Like I was so close to tears the whole morning. Like when I went to go say bye to Adrian&Danny I was tearing up. -_- ahah all because of my parentals.

BUT. the car ride there was fun and we went to Cabazon outlets and i bought a tshirt, volleyball shorts, and a pair of denim shorts because i only have one pair of shorts. ahah. then we went to inandout and ate, then we arrived at WEstin. It was SOO pretty. and we went straight to the pool. ahaha. THERE ARE SOOO MANY FREAKING HOT GUYS THERE! AHAH. there really are though. megan&me were freaking boy crazy i thinkk. dana and jessica weren't so bad. So like, right when we first got into the pool we saw this super cute guy and he was a lifeguard! and he was working the slide on saturday and sunday so we kept going on the slide. ahah. we saw some more cute guys too. and we played volleyball in the water and a buncha fun stuff. we ate a looot too. OH and we made tiedye tshirts and also beaded bracelets! ahaha. it was soo fun. Then today morning we went to the pool to see the cute guy one last time, but he wasn't there. ): we think he only works weekends. ahahah. So overall, the trip was uber fun. (: Tomorrow, me and megan are wearing our tiedye shirts to volleyball. (: ahah. And we ate Ruby's burgers on the way home. those were super good.

But noww, i'm so tired. and i need to unpack and stuff. soo bye! (: ahah.

Garage sale.. How much is that? $3?! No way. I give you $1!

c/o2012 Garage/Yard/Driveway sale today! It went pretty well actually! (: ahah. we sucked at setting prices at first. and we kept getting pushed over. but we got better. People who attended: me, Emily Hwang, Emily Liang, MichelleChang, AliceZuo, AngelChoi, JessicaPark, HannaWoo, JosephPang, RenzLo, WilliamLuo, AfrazKhan, aaand SagarKamnani(spelling?). Pretty good turn-out. (: Two non-ICers. but I doubt they felt too left out. we were all having fun together. the first hour and a half was like torture because we got like three people and we were all still so tired. but then we got like three BURSTS of like a lot of people who bought a lot, and then it quieted down again. btw, i'm good at bargaining. haha. so like after we stopped getting too many people, we all sat in a circle and talked and played games and stuff. we got pizza to eat, so we ate and we played Indian Princess. It was really fun. We bonded a lot. x] ahah i already feel closer to IC. And none of us (at least the girls) really wanted to go home. (: So. There was money made, good talks, and fun games. Seemed like a good day to me! (:

annnd i'm starting to get less confused. but there's one thing that's bugging me a lot. but whatever. I'll stop thinking about it and hopefully i'll get over it.

a litte bit longer, and I'll be fine. (:

Heh. If you were (un)lucky enough to read the post that was previously here, then you know which one I'm talking about when I say it's just a draft now. To me, it felt like too much. Too much for anyone to need to know about me or about what's going on with me, too much information that probably seemed useless to anyone who did happen to read it. So. It's gone. Poof. Just like that. Magic. x]

I went to Palm Springs with my family and Kelsea this weekend, and it was fun. (: we took lotsa pictures. haha. And I've had volleyball. That's been okay I guess. I might be getting better but I don't really know. I just know that my thighs are getting muscle-y and it sometimes hurts when I sneeze because my tummy's sore from jumping. ahah. but I'm looking forward to become closer with all the frosh-soph people, like Michelle and Stephanie and Erika and the sophomores. Not Ingrid, though, because she's JV! (: Seriously, did anyone ever think that you could get out of breath from just jumping?

And the countdown of days till school starts is quickly getting smaller and smaller. I don't really know if I want school to start. I'm already getting up early and doing stuff other than TV and computer, and I wanna see my friends more often. But I'm scared of the teachers I'm getting because I have a lot of opportunities for teachers I don't really like. But I'll just deal with them. As long as this is a fun year. I mean, new students, new teachers and classes, new friends, new lunch spots, new groups, sports, being in IC as competitions. It's a lot of stuff to look forward to. (: Hopefully things I'm dealing with will work out before school starts, and then it's be a great year. (:

I wanna dye my hair. x] Reddish, like Tibby's in The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2. It's a really pretty color. Lol see. A not deep and not serious post. (:

When the world is crazy. Moving. Beautiful. Horrific. Amazing. Laughing. Smiling. Talking. Dancing. Singing. Sleeping. Jumping. Fast. Confusing. Scary. Dark. Bright. Depressing. Loving. Hateful. Ugly. Terrible. Exciting. Then where does that leave you? A single living being, with nothing but his own feelings and capacity to love. With nothing but his own strong will to be noticed, to be a part of something bigger. How does a single person get noticed by anything, anyone? If this world is spinning by him, not caring what he has to offer, how can he stand up and shout at the world? He can he tell them he's something special, something worth listening to? How can he get anyone to take the time of day to listen. Even just for a few minutes. That's enough to be heard. But in this fast-paced world, everyone's too busy trying to get their own selves heard and out there. So. When the world comes crashing down, harder and faster than anyone is ready for, what's gonna happen? Are people going to forget themselves to help others? Or will they prove to everything that they really, truly are those selfish beings, those unkind souls, that they mostly portray themselves as? But then again, with everyone so caught up in their own business, how can a single person, no matter how good he truly is, expect someone else to help them? How can that one person expect their help to other to even be noticed. Maybe, in this world of joy and tears and sadness and anger, if enough people took the time to stop and listen. To stop and help someone else out. Then maybe, just maybe, we'll be on our way to becoming better people. Stronger people. More open people. People who don't have to put on a smile and say they're totally fine, with no cares at all in the world. Maybe once the hearts of every person start to melt just a tiny bit, then maybe we'll become more understanding and even more loving. Just maybe.

i am successful! (:

BREAKING DAWWWWN <3>

"A frantic pounding, a racing beat... A changing heart." <3

absolutely no doubt one of my favorite quotes from the wholeee entire book. it sorta sucks because all the other ones involve bella and edward, not bella and jacob. but whateveer. (:

I'm off to go to sleep now. i've been sleep deprived this whole weekend. and i need to adjust my attitude, according to my mom. -_- NIGHT!

Breaking Dawn. <3

4 comments?! I was like, "woah! That's the most I've ever gotten in one post!" so thanks. (: It was the ants, wasn't it? i bet it was the ants. Everyone loves hearing about the lives of ants. x) Oh and the quince and vacation subjects can wait. because right now i'm just eager to go read. so this should be short and simple. (:

I went to Borders tonight for a release party of BREAKING DAWN! (: and I got my haircut. More layers and thinned out. it's hardly noticeable, but it styles really prettily messy. and i like it. (: so at Borders, alice, archie, tiffany liu, angel, noel, hanna woo, and kelsea where there. Jessica was there for a little bit but not that long. it was basically a boringish night besides the pictures and all the poeople going crazy over if Jacob or Edward was better (JACOB OF COURSE!! (:)[<--woah it's like a double smiley face]. so it was an okay time. and i got to read random parts of all these books because of the boredom. I FINALLY got Breaking Dawn at like 12:40 am. and it looks so BEAUTIFUL! (: there's a book 2 entitled JACOB. see!! and i bet the back cover of it is about him. x) seriously. Stephenie meyer's choice of words is so wonderful. i want to be able to write like her, to make my readers (psh. which ones?) feel emotions like she does. but yeaah. freaking ARCHIE and KELSEA were like ruining the book for me. So i gotta go read it before they ruin it moree. I think i'm gonna stay up late tonight. ahhah. so I'm off to go read. (:

and thanks for the 4 comments again. (: but i really don't see any of anything i write as beautiful. ahah. happy august 2nd. (: (can you tell i'm in a good mood? i put like fifty bazillion smiley faces in this post.) x)