Merry Christmas Eve?

Mkaay. So. Basically. Freak. -__-

Honestly, today is supposed to be my fun day. My FAMILY'S fun, care-free, happy, "let's be nice to each other even if we're faking it" day. And it's not working out. It's the one day when i WISH we would fake it, because I'd rather fake it then be mad at each other today. But it's really not hworking. Maybe when my other family comes over, things will fix themselves. Maybe my parents and my brothers and I will have a few hours of happiness. Maybe of real happiness. Wouldn't that be freaking wonderful? Wow. I'm like post-PMSing right now. Because I've teared like five times today already. So like, Adrian's friends came over today to give presents and to help make tamales, and then I didn't get to help because they didn't need me. So my mom was like, "Marissa, go make the beds with the new sheets" so I go upstairs and Adrian's in his room, and i'm like "Oh, I need to make your bed, move." and yeah okay, I sounded bitchy. But he was like "No. I'll make it myself" and i was all like "okay fine. but make it now because mom asked ME to do it" and my mom gets mad when we don't do what she asks us to do. And he was like "Well how about you just be polite and leave me alone?!" in a really mean sarcastic way. And then I closed the door and like cussed to myself. I never do that. And I went into Danny's room and made his bed and I kept like almost crying. ): Freaking Adrian. And last night I wrote him this really like uber nice heartfelt card, and when I was making danny's bed I seriously was concocting a plan to go downstairs and steal the card back and just give him the gift card. Honestly, he should freaking just go live with his friends. He's like ten million times happier with them. -__-

But, later, I'm gonna be like "WTF why did I post this? I love him." And i'm gonna wanna delete it. So I dunno. Whatever.

Umm. Trying to be happier. Merry Christmas Eve, and in a while Merry Christmas. (: I hope you guys are enjoying your families and you have fun! I was watching TV today, and I think it'd be really cute if someone's boyfriend/girlfriend comes over to celebrate with the family. haha. And that is my "Aww how cute" boy thought of the day. x) Byee!

Catch me when I fall. (:

I can't remember the sound of his voice. I miss talking to him for an hour everyday when we were supposed to be learning. I want to see his smile and hear him laugh again. I want that feeling back, that he'll be there to make me laugh when I'm mad, and to listen while I rant about boys or friends. I want him back, so we can say how everyone sounds so weird speaking in a language they don't know. I want to remember his voice. And I can't.

And. I haven't really been in the mood to blog lately. :\ I dunno. I think I've closed up a bit. And I can't open up again. It's like, when you get a cut, and it starts to heal, but you cut it again, and it hurts even worse? And like, while you were healing, you felt so good and closed up? And numb to the pain, so the last thing you wanted was to get cut again? Yeah. I feel sorta like that. I've been closed up to my feelings pretty much. Except for once in a while. And I don't want to be vulnerable to tears and anger and extreme joy or anything that's not just okay again. At least not for now. So, yeah. that's why i haven't been much in the blogging mood.