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EmilyYang, ClaudineTalamayan, ChrisPlatt, SayoniSaha, & AliceZuo. Thank you so, so, so much. I have no idea what got into me that night, but I know you guys were there to help. (: (And that entry is going to hibernate in my drafts, because. I don't know. It's too much profanity for my liking, it's too deep into me, and it's something I'd want you to find out if you knew me super well. I don't know if that makes sense, but it is what it is.) But. THANK YOU.(: Lol. that deleted comment I got is making me UBER curios. x)

Hmm. So I've decided to refresh myself. I know in my mind, I'll keep thinking bad things, this-couldn't-get-worse things, and I'll keep thinking I could have such a better life. But I figured the only way I can stop my brain from working this way is to stop encouraging it. So, of course, I know not to let it build up, but I can find a more private vent, a more on-a-need-to-do basis. So only for when I can't find a different way to outlet my mind.

"always ready to cheer up someone else, even if you're feeling down. It's called selflessness." That was in Alice's blog. To Isabel. And I don't know. You, Isabel, and you, Alice, are inspiring me to be more like that. I guess sometimes I am, because most of the time people in real life don't know I'm sad, but I'll still be there to comfort them. But I want to be more like that. I just don't want to be viewed as a depressed crazy person. x) BUT. Isabel, Alice, Michele, everyone who could possibley read this (though they don't have a reason to) : I want to know you better. You've supported me here, but I haven't known you in real life. And it's probably mostly my fault. I suck at making new friends. x) And I say I will try, but I probably won't. So forgive me ahead of time. (: Just. I don't know where I'm getting at with this. I just want to be a better person. (: I want to be good with my mom and my brothers and dad and my friends. I want to help others out. I don't want people to worry about me. I want to be better and stronger. (: So that's my goal for this year. I'll find someone who I can tell everything to, but I won't pour it all out on you guys.(:

And I'll probably be hypocritical. I'll probably come back eventually with a moody crazy post, or I won't talk to you in person, or I'll be selfish. But at least I'm trying. Give me that much, yeah? I guess I'll go to sleep. And sorry if this makes NO sense at all, or if I'm being crazy for wanting to try to change. But yeah. I can't explain. x) So, goodnight(: