I wanna fix things.

So. I think it's been long enough. I wanna fix this. I really truly do. I think I'm ready to talk it out, I think I'm ready to go back to how it used to be. I don't want to be awkward around her anymore. I don't want to constantly go into tears whenever the subject is brought up with someone else. I really want to fix things. And I'm going to try. (:

Like, really, what happens if you and one of your "best friends" were so good together and then things got weird after certain things happened? What if you and her used to be able to go to each others houses for the whole weekend, and never change out of your pajamas, and eat everything in the kitchen? What if you could sit there and watch TV without feeling the need to talk? What if you could gab on the phone about guys and school and friends forever? What if she's the one you told when those guys popped into your life? What if she stood by and let them spend time with you, instead of being a jealous friend? What if she was there for you to walk around and talk for hours whenever you needed to rant? What if it was hard to talk about super serious stuff, but you still felt so utterly comfortable with her? I miss this. I miss knowing that if I want to wear my glasses, sweats, and have crazy hair I can go to her and still be loved. I miss having crazy play dates where we fight and are rolling on the floor and we're so mean to each other, but we have so much fun anyways. I miss you. <3

I still remember that time. Someone was gone, and I was feeling so down and PMSy. But you didn't really know what was happening. And then in science class I was next to Charleen, and I was trying to explain what was wrong. And I broke down and I started crying. Tears coming down my cheeks crying. So I put my head on my arms on the desk, and Charleen was trying so hard to comfort me. You saw me when you came in, you ran over, and you just hugged me. You said it'd be okay. And I heard you already start to make threats. "What happened, Charleen?" "Did anyone say anything to her?" "He'll be back soon, if not, he's in trouble." And I loved you for it, though you probably don't know that. Then I rubbed my eye and my contact got stuck in my eyelid. So I had to run around the whole school with poofy red teary eyes finding contact solution. How embarrassing. x)

I want it back. I want the friendship back, even if it's not fully the same as before. Even without the title, I'd want that. But I'd give so much for the OLD friendship back, before any problems started happening. I want to figure out with her what went wrong, I want to figure out how to fix things, and I want to be able to talk to her again. I hope I can do it. I hope she wants to do it. I mean, it took me this long to really miss it, so I wonder how long it'll take her.

But, besides this breakthrough (and it is happy at least for me, because now I'm allowing myself to remember how things used to be and allowing myself to want them back), my day was pretty okay. I got a good grade on bio test, I think I have a low B in history, and I have an A in bio. Except I think she gave me the wrong percent, and it's supposed to be higher. Volleyball sorta pissed me off. LIke tomorrow, on EARLY RELEASE day, I have to stay at practice till freaking 3:30. So I can't go play with anyone or go buy food. ): And Coach Debbie was way annoying today. But whatever. Tomorrow's a new day. Or. Today. I guess. Dang how confusing. This was a blog for October 13, kay? But yeah. I hope tomorrow's good despite volleyball. (:

And yeah, I still think you're cute. x)