Adrian, I think that they're scared it's going to happen to me, too. I'm scared it's going to happen to me, too. I'm worried that they're watching me too closely. There are so many days where there's nothing motivating me at all except my fear of becoming like that. So many days where I'd rather drop everything and just lie there or sleep, where it seems like the easiest thing to do. Days when I want to cut myself off from everyone and not communicate with anyone. Days when I'm sick of trying. I wish I could talk to you about this. You would be the only one who could help me. But I really can't.

I wish we were at the point where you could tell me anything, without me having to pry.

"I'm just saying, you could do better. Tell me have you heard that lately?"


so confused.

just a side note: I FUCKING LOVE YOU ARCHIE! :) your comments make me sooo happy and of course I love you in real life HAHAH. but as always, i like to keep my blog world and real life separate even though you will not fail to bring this up in person HAHA.


and on another side noteeee. I'M SUPER EXCITED FOR SENIOR YEAR CABINET AND SENIOR ACTIVITIES AND DOING EVERYTHING WE PLANNED AS A CABINET YAYYY <3

I already know I'm going to be so bittersweet, love/hate about this year.

All around me are familiar faces / Worn out places, worn out faces / Bright and early for the daily races / Going nowhere, going nowhere

help me figure out who I am. I want to ask everyone for this help. But the truth is, no one else knows who I am, so they can't help me. It's something I need to do on my own, but I'm scared of finding out. What if I end up dissatisfied with who I turn out to be?

please be okay. i don't know how to get through to you. but please please please be okay and you better know that i am here no matter what time of day it is, or whomever i'm with. if you need me to, i'll drop them in a second and help you out. i love you. i don't want you to break. you're stronger than that, you just don't know it.

Those days

Those days when everything seems to be going wrong.

Those days when every little wrong look sets you off.

Those days when you want to cry every five minutes.

Those days when you feel yourself pushing away no matter how bad you want it.

Those days when you wish you could just give in, just let everything else go.

Those days when you would give anything to say fuck it all and mean it.

Those days when you want just a few more minutes with someone, a few more words, a few more mutual understandings.

Those days when you want to go back in time, to where there was no trouble, because this is too much to handle.

Those days when you feel that the world is going to hell and back, but leaving you there instead of bringing you back with it.

I want one of those days where I'm happy to be where I am, who I am, and with who I want to be. One of those days when you love every second of it, the ups and the downs included. One of those days where you are able to say, "I'd love it" when they ask "What if we..." I need one of those days soon.

It's weird to tell people that, yeah, of course we made up and we're good now. when you don't even believe it yourself at times. I should fix this. :/