It kinda amazes me that I can be so content just sitting with you. I'm happy around you. No matter what is going on anywhere else in my life, when I'm there with you, I'm happy.

being told by your brother that you fucked up



means that you really fucked up.



and this isn't about college.



I'm gonna write my new years resolutions soon. and i know what they're gonna be.


a new year means new beginnings, less mistakes, a better attitude, and a more trustworthy me.

You know, you're cute.
The reasons you've made me happy in the past few days:
The fact that you JUST texted me as I was writing this.
What you told me today.
Your present.
When you told me Merry Christmas.
Your (dad's) (fake) invitation to your Christmas party.
The fact that you called me like eight times that day.
That you wanted to hear my voice and see me.
 You asking to hang out again today, even if it was for less than an hour. Your belief that I'll get everything done.
:)

12/31, 1/1, 1/2, 1/15 let's go.

fuck fuck fuck. so much is going on. i'm losing my handle on things. I'm procrastinating when i KNOW i have no time. I keep getting distracted. as if i'm a fucking child. dear lord. please help me get through this. help me finish with apps. keep my future in mind. don't let me fall through the cracks. keep an eye on my family. help me do all the things that I need to do for the people around me. basically five more days and I'm done with this part. then i have, on top of college, hc/ffs/civics/english/ts :( tomorrow, i'll be the most fucking motivated person you've seen. no slacking. no distractions. I'm going to get shit done. and then get my shit together. <3

"Quizás te diga un día que dejé de quererte, aunque siga queriéndote más allá de la muerte; y acaso no comprendas en esa despedida, que, aunque la amistad nos une, nos separa la vida." This is probably the most pretty thing I've read in a really long time. In Rafaela, Argentina, their school year is coming to a close and this was posted by one of the friends of one of the girls that stayed with me here, because they are in their last year of high school. Basically (roughly) translated into English it means: Perhaps one day I'll tell you that I stopped loving you, although I'll love you until after death; and what you might not understand is that in this farewell, although friendship unites us, life separates us. but it sounds 10000x better in Spanish. I have been working on essays today all day. I really wish I would have started earlier, because I woulda been so relieved. It doesnt seem that hard right now, but once someone reads them through for me I'm scared that they'll tell me to completely change them. oh well. I can't wait to be done with applications. I freaking hate civics right now. I have so much to do for that class. -___- and on top of it all, I'm freaking sick and haven't been able to hear through my right ear since Sunday :( but yeah, back to work!

Adrian, I think that they're scared it's going to happen to me, too. I'm scared it's going to happen to me, too. I'm worried that they're watching me too closely. There are so many days where there's nothing motivating me at all except my fear of becoming like that. So many days where I'd rather drop everything and just lie there or sleep, where it seems like the easiest thing to do. Days when I want to cut myself off from everyone and not communicate with anyone. Days when I'm sick of trying. I wish I could talk to you about this. You would be the only one who could help me. But I really can't.

I wish we were at the point where you could tell me anything, without me having to pry.