Summer2009

SUMMER2009 has been a fail. but also fun. but also pointless. and i'm getting restless. I want school to start kinda sorta. I wanna talk about my summer so far, but it's been pretty pointless. I still want to (1) go to disneyland, (2) go to Palm Springs with Megan, (3) go to a partayy at amritas house (:, (4) plaay with a certain person that I saw at chuck e cheese's at jessica's birthday, if you know what i mean. ;D but actually, no. this one won't happen ):, (5) go ice skating, (6) go to light the night, (5) watch like 34904190 movies, (6) get better at volleyball, and (7) have a bonding thingie with volleyball girls. BUTBUT there's so much more I want to do. and none of it will happen. and hardly any of these things will happen. how disheartening. ):

sososo. I went on a bracelet making kick, and i got all excited about making them again cause it was a while since I made them. But now, there is no one to give them to. ): cause no one asks me for them since like 2039 bajillion people can make them now. BUT if anybody wants a bracelet, i'd be more than happy to make you one. no joke. I'm that bored that i need to do something with my hands at all times. so if no one wants them, i'm just gonna make like 30 and have no where to put them. and that's a sad future for these poor bracelets.

on another note. "I just don't think you should rush into getting your license. It's a big responsibility to drive around others. I can just take you everywhere for a couple years. Danny and Adrian don't even give you that many rides." Basically. "I'm making up every possible excuse to keep you from driving." -__- L;IJEALK i was so excited to get my permit. and I talked about it with my parents today, and they won't have it. they don't want me to drive. but really, my brothers give me SO many rides all the time, and they'll both be gone now. So I will have many many more awkward rides with my mom because I won't be able to drive. ): it's not really a big deal, it just made me sad.

9 days until: my life changes, there's an extra room in my house, there's one less person to share my bathroom with, there'll be no one to drive that blue car with its respective "yale" and "usc" stickers, until I'm that much closer to being alone with my parents. 9 days until Adrian moves out of the house. All year, I was saying I won't be sad when he leaves. That's it'll be better for him, for me, and for my parents when he's gone. I've been saying I won't cry when we drop him off. That OF COURSE NOT I won't be sad, why would I? but I don't know anymore. It'll be so different. then a couple weeks later, Danny's going back to Yale. And I can't stop thinking about how weird it will be. The two people who I need at home to help me with my parents, who I watch tv with and talk about my life with, the two people who I've relied so heavily on for the past few years. they're both gonna be gone. I'm scared of Adrian leaving. Danny, I always knew he'd come back often. But Adrian. Once he's gone, he's gone for good. I think. He won't come back for random things if he can help it. And now, I'm realizing I'll miss him. And I keep wanting to hang out with him alone before he leaves, like lunch or a movie or Cue or something. But I can't, because he still sees me more as a sister he has to deal with then as a friend. And LIJDAJIJEL i just don't know. I'm so up and down about him leaving. And the thing is, when Danny left, I wasn't as close with him as I feel to Adrian. So it wasn't as tough. But idk maybe i'm just pmsing right now or something. who knows.

I raised my hands as if to show you I was yours
That I was so yours for the taking
And I'm still so yours for the taking
And that's when I felt the wind pick up
I grabbed the rail while choking up
No words to say, And then you kissed me....
this is my new favorite song. <3 I love/hate love songs. x) They're like a beacon of hope but also a flashlight that illuminates all that you can't have. it kinda sucks. But still, when Ade danced to this in Sytycd i literally like swooned. haha. I lovee it. (: