It's the Climb. <3

"I gotta be strong; Just keep pushing on."

I lovee that song. I love that movie. I hate cute stories though. It's not real life. At least not mine. Maybe eventually it will be. (:

And. Thanks guys for reading my blog. AHAH it's been a whilee. And i re-read that last post. And I lost myself. It's super confusing. I did it like that on purpose. (: There's this person. And I kinda like him. HAHA. But there was another person included in that post that's not this person. I miss him though.

And crazyyycrazy life right now. I'm already stressed from ID and it's like the third practice. Goodness. In advanced, I am so sorry if I yell at you or seem mean or angry or annoyed; I kinda just let go randomly and then I feel so bad about it after. Like SORRY for today. to like the twenty people I acted meanly to. ): I love you guys so much for doing it in the first place. I'm just tired and stressed and confused!

My brother might go to USC School of Theater. And I've been so far from him lately, it makes me soo sad. He's gonna leave soon. And I'll be alone at my house. Life with my parents will be easier; but life without him here will be weirder. But at this point it's not like I see him much anyways. My friends are even surprised when they see him at my house. And I'm like, "Uh. He lives here? Duh." but it's true, he's not home more than half the time. I dunno. I hope I get closer to him before he leaves. AND. I'm tired now. It's 11:25. I wanna sleep cause I don't wanna be grumpy tomorrow. hahaah. (:

AW ):

Guess what. I saw someone today. And I can't stop thinking about it. And it's annoying me. And I don't even have his stupid phone number. He's just a friend though. But stillll. STUPIDSTUPIDSTUPID. howww sad. ):

BUT. Today. I played at chuck e. cheese with somebody. and how ironically i saw that other somebody there. but there were a lot of people at chuck e. cheese. but i played with a certain someone a lot. and he cheated and kept beating me. HAHA. That's it.

It's been forever since I updated. Sorry. And sorry this post sucks and doesn't make sense. HAHAH.

Merry Christmas Eve?

Mkaay. So. Basically. Freak. -__-

Honestly, today is supposed to be my fun day. My FAMILY'S fun, care-free, happy, "let's be nice to each other even if we're faking it" day. And it's not working out. It's the one day when i WISH we would fake it, because I'd rather fake it then be mad at each other today. But it's really not hworking. Maybe when my other family comes over, things will fix themselves. Maybe my parents and my brothers and I will have a few hours of happiness. Maybe of real happiness. Wouldn't that be freaking wonderful? Wow. I'm like post-PMSing right now. Because I've teared like five times today already. So like, Adrian's friends came over today to give presents and to help make tamales, and then I didn't get to help because they didn't need me. So my mom was like, "Marissa, go make the beds with the new sheets" so I go upstairs and Adrian's in his room, and i'm like "Oh, I need to make your bed, move." and yeah okay, I sounded bitchy. But he was like "No. I'll make it myself" and i was all like "okay fine. but make it now because mom asked ME to do it" and my mom gets mad when we don't do what she asks us to do. And he was like "Well how about you just be polite and leave me alone?!" in a really mean sarcastic way. And then I closed the door and like cussed to myself. I never do that. And I went into Danny's room and made his bed and I kept like almost crying. ): Freaking Adrian. And last night I wrote him this really like uber nice heartfelt card, and when I was making danny's bed I seriously was concocting a plan to go downstairs and steal the card back and just give him the gift card. Honestly, he should freaking just go live with his friends. He's like ten million times happier with them. -__-

But, later, I'm gonna be like "WTF why did I post this? I love him." And i'm gonna wanna delete it. So I dunno. Whatever.

Umm. Trying to be happier. Merry Christmas Eve, and in a while Merry Christmas. (: I hope you guys are enjoying your families and you have fun! I was watching TV today, and I think it'd be really cute if someone's boyfriend/girlfriend comes over to celebrate with the family. haha. And that is my "Aww how cute" boy thought of the day. x) Byee!

Catch me when I fall. (:

I can't remember the sound of his voice. I miss talking to him for an hour everyday when we were supposed to be learning. I want to see his smile and hear him laugh again. I want that feeling back, that he'll be there to make me laugh when I'm mad, and to listen while I rant about boys or friends. I want him back, so we can say how everyone sounds so weird speaking in a language they don't know. I want to remember his voice. And I can't.

And. I haven't really been in the mood to blog lately. :\ I dunno. I think I've closed up a bit. And I can't open up again. It's like, when you get a cut, and it starts to heal, but you cut it again, and it hurts even worse? And like, while you were healing, you felt so good and closed up? And numb to the pain, so the last thing you wanted was to get cut again? Yeah. I feel sorta like that. I've been closed up to my feelings pretty much. Except for once in a while. And I don't want to be vulnerable to tears and anger and extreme joy or anything that's not just okay again. At least not for now. So, yeah. that's why i haven't been much in the blogging mood.

Thank You?

Todaay was good. I guess. In the morning, Melissa and I and my parents went to Whitney for this soccer tournament thingie. We went mainly to support them and to see what was going on. And Melissa and I just were in the parking lot talking to Andy &Michael while they took people's parking money. Haha. It was fun. Then afterwards, my parents were like "meet us at the car we're leaving" and we got in and drove out when my mom told us they had food so we were like "oh we want some!" so we drove back in and me &Melissa like ran into the field. And we were looking for the food and like we saw Jesus for like two seconds. But the food we wanted wasn't there and we were in a rush so we just ran back out. And then we went to TC to watch Four Christmases. When we got there we got Starbucks, and I tried the green tea frappuchino and it was reallyy gross. ahaha. So the movie was really funny! Then we took Melissa home and when we got home we started getting ready for dinner.

When we got there, some of my aunts and uncles were there. We were about to start eating but then my aunt realized the turkey was undercooked. So like all the kids had served there food and we had to wait for it to be recooked. -_- for like twenty minutes. so we decided to say grace and when we started eating everyone had to warm up their food. ahaha. But yeeah. I guess it was good. There were moments when I was like "what the hell. This is thanksgiving. Could you just stop?" because of my mom/brother but whatever. I should be used to it, right? After we ate pie, me, Adrian, and my cousin like fell asleep on the sofas, because we were soo tired. And the drive home took like 40 minutes. and now, I'm tired. But i just wanted to write this. (: And i have practice tomorrow from 8-10 so I might as well sleep noww. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. (:

oh. guys! run faster!

AHAHA okay so today. I totally did something retarded during soccer. like we were jogging around the field and randomly stopping to do crunches. and the second lap was supposed to be sprinting. soo like i was pretty freaking tired so i wasn't sprinting full out. but i was near the end and we were passing the guys team who was in a circle. and all of a sudden i sprinted sooo fast till the end! ahaha. likee the world was blurring! and emily hwang said it's just my natural instinct to impress boys and all girls have it. ahaha.

andd. formal. AHAH okay so the main reason i don't wanna get asked I realized is cuz like. Sure, I'd most likely say yes to some guys. BUT what if like after I find out someone i'd RATHER go with is gonna ask me? or i'd just rather go with someone else, but they can't go? Or. If I'm totaallly fine with going with someone who asks me, but at the same time i'd rather not because people will think of us as a 'thing' and i don't wanna be thought of like that. especially if there's other people i'd rather... i dunno. it's hard to explain! whatevs. i'll just see IF i even get asked. which i doubt i will. ahah.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ISABEL! (: I hope you're enjoying your 15th birthday! (:

I have to do homework now. ): I don't even feel like I have any. But i knoww i have something to do. ): OH! i got a 96 on my math test! maybe that'll make up for the sucky bio grade i'll get tomorrow! ahah.

Okaay so I finally got pushed to do this. (: I haven't posted in a month. and I think it's because I tried that whole non-deep thingie. But I dunno. it didn't work out. So whatever. I will post weird stuff that makes you be like "who the heck is this girl?!" but i'll also do happy stuff. (: And two people reminded me I haven't posted in a while. So here I go, a totally randooom post. (:

So. A lot has gone on in one month! I'm pretty over thinking that one guy is really cute. Like yeah, I think he's cute but theen it's not like something I always think about. AHAH. But. i HATE guys. Like. They confuse me so much. But I'm sure you don't care. x) Let's just saay. Formal's coming up. And I thought I wanted to get asked but I'm not sure anymoree. But that's a confusing thing for me to explain. But still. I guess it'd be REALLY cool to get asked. ahaha.

Now, I have free 7ths because I have soccer practices at 3:15 so i'm free till theen. So basically I just either go with the athletics people or I'm in front of bender's watching people play cards. ahaha. And yeah. Soccer. Is. Freaking. Intense. It's not even super tiring, it's just weird. Like it gets us tired in the moment, but I honestly can't see much improvement. And I haven't been able to practice much because of my shin splints on my left leg. ): BUT i'm getting better I hope. First game is on December 2, against Gahr, at home. Don't watch. x) LOL. Hmm. But soccer is fun. I've started talking to a buncha people now.

So. Life's been whatever. Sometimes, I honestly feel like just screaming my heart out. But sometimes, I'm so happy. THe littles things make me happy. But becuase of that the littlest things make me sad too. So. I have like an emotional aspect of me that has to remain very balanced, because I know once I have that happy fun crazy time something will happen that will make it seem worthless, you know? And like, I really forget everything outside during soccer. Like even if it's something reallyy good that happened or something bad. Like I just forget it, and focus on soccer. And it's fun for me. It really helps take my mind off things. (:

Buut. gaaah. I'm confused about life; about guys and friends and family and school. It's all so tough. Like I feel so physically and mentally tired all the time trying to please people and do well in school and not say anything to offend people and from going out of your way to do things for someone. It's just, hard. But. It's the weekend. I hope I get to rest. (:

So. Yeeah. I hope I'll update more. I've just been uber busyy. So yeah. (: